Vehicles
I have been years without a vehicle while growing up and for a few years after Eric and Ryan were born because of the expense of two vehicles, gas, insurance... you know. Well my faithful suburban is now sitting comfortably in Leduc at a repair shop having died, not once but twice, on the way home from Camrose this weekend. I miss it... though I wonder if it is the anticipation of the expenses we are forseeing or the actual lack of wheels.

It all started after a wonderful day-long visit with Allan's parents and we decided to return home late so that the little ones could sleep, and once home, be carried to their beds undisturbed. Well that all ground to a halt just west of Miquelon Lake when the truck suddenly died for no apparent reason as we were passing another vehicle. We called Allan's Dad (Papa) to ask if he could come with his car to help shepherd our children to his house given that six people (our family sans Ryan who was staying over in Camrose + tow truck driver) and a tow truck bench seat don't work well together, especially if the tow truck driver wants to drive at all. Two hours later the tow truck finally showed up. As it was now 11 pm we took Papa's car and drove straight home and Papa went with the tow truck back home.

Sunday after church we drove back to Camrose to return Papa's car. I drove his car while Allan drove our car so we had our own wheels to return to Spruce Grove. We spent the time visiting again (don't want to miss another opportunity to spend time with family). Allan's friend, who lives close to us, just happened to be down visiting his parents too. They decided to drive over to where the truck was to check out a few ideas they had as to why it died... and lo and behold it was a blown fuse. Once replaced it worked perfectly. This time we drove up a bit earlier, just in case, with two vehicles as escourts, our car (me driving) and our friends car.

Sure enough, just out of New Norway it died again as we were accelerating on Highway 21. No fuse worked this time. After several fuses blew the second you turned the key we again called for a tow. This time I herded all the kids into our car and left Allan and his friend to wait for the tow truck, which only took a half hour this time. They towed it to Leduc and there it sits being looked at by experts in the field who charge more per hour than physicians for their diagnostic work. I hope it is a quick diagnosis!

Computer Viruses
I hate computer viruses, but not specifically for the reason most do - the maiming and crashing of computers. No, I wish it was that simple. Instead my frustrating stems from dealing with a popular anti-virus software that refuses to launch from the several icons I have (in my taskbar tray, startup menu and on my desktop) and the company that manufactures it. I will keep them anonymous for now, but after talking to FOUR online techs who could not help me, I moved onto their forums. Two weeks later of many gyrations through online scans, DOS fixes and uninstalling/reinstalling I have developed a facial tick that doesn't look like it is going away anytime soon. Not even one change in how the software is working and it is only by virtue of it keeping my computer clean despite my inability to actually access it that I have not moved on to X or Y anti-virus software. Well that and the extra $$ purchasing it would be.

Don't even get me started on my financial software which I have loved and used for my business since it's inception in 1997... which suddenly has decided it hates the new hard drive Allan installed for me. My love-hate relationship with my computer and all it holds continues.

You Just Gotta Laugh
I have been so very busy the last few weeks. This is nothing new of course, but it can be stressing. I was reading an article yesterday in our local paper written by a wonderful woman who finds humour in every situation. God does indeed have a sense of humour, let me tell you how my morning has gone thus far and it isn't even 8:30 am.

I woke up early, my mind filling with the things I wanted to accomplish today which pushed away the ability to return to sleep. I decided to get up and proceeded to make a to do list, breakfast for my family and Allan's lunch (a very rare occurrence as he usually gets ready, eats, makes his lunch and is gone to work before I am finished getting ready and puttering around upstairs).

Breanna and Brendan woke as Allan walked out the door so I set them down to eat and thought I would grab a quick shower before they were finished, Ryan was there to help them if they needed something. As I was getting ready, I spotted the waxing strips I had set out yesterday to do my legs with. I usually shave my legs over winter (easy and MUCH less painful) but like to wax during the summer and I had some left over from last fall. They are soo easy to use, just warm them up between your hands, apply and rip them off. Slap on some waxing oil and you are set...

Right. On went the strip, off went the strip WITHOUT the wax. I had a thick layer of wax covering the back of my leg (of course I do the most sensitive part first, right behind the ankle). I started to freak because I can suddenly hear the clock ticking before Breanna comes up to "collect" me after she is done eating, and here I am not even in the shower yet.

I tried to scrape it off with first the edge of the plastic waxing strip (yeah, that so didn't work) and then my fingernails, which worked much better. But now my leg had streaks of wax and my fingers were all gummy. I grabbed the tiny bottle of waxing oil - which until this point I had always thought of as huge and wasteful because I hardly used any of it and they sent one with each package. I slathered it on my leg and it started to detach, though it was becoming more of a mud than simply sloughing off as I had hoped.

I thought it would be best to jump in the shower and work on it there, the warm water might help, right? I carefully cleaned my hands off so that I could wash my hair before I worked on the wax and jumped in. Shampoo in and I am getting my facial wash and realized I still had a large sticky part on my thumb... I freaked and touched my hair. Yup, right behind my right ear I found a sticky part. Waxing oil in my hair and my face washed, I started to tackle the wax.

Did you know that wax + waxing oil + water = sticky white wax? Yup, and it took a lot of scrubbing, judicious use of waxing oil and avoiding water to reduce the bulk of it, but now I am eyeing my waxing oil and knowing I am going to conserve it even more or I will run out completely. I carefully oiled my hands again, double-checking to ensure no sticky parts. I then washed the waxing oil out of my hair, shaved my legs (doing the waxed part last). I had hoped that shaving would take the rest of the wax off... and I really needed to change the blade anyway right? A gummy blade later, it did shave off some more of the wax... we are getting there.

Breanna is at the door so I let her in and try one more time with the waxing oil. We are down to a slightly sticky sheen and the full bottle of waxing oil is almost empty so I decide to cut my losses and get out of the shower. I dried off, the wax is in only two small spots and almost gone... and I could get a comb through my hair (though it did slow down in two spots, one I didn't notice before on the top of my head).

I chose to make the best of it and decided on shorts today (my legs are freshly shaved anyway!), avoiding the potential of my pants stuck to the back of my leg. My hair is fine and lacks body so maybe the sticky parts will give it some body too. I hope your day goes better and know that humour does indeed make things go much smoother... er, less sticky anyway.

Spousal Abuse
Abuse - such a tragedy to have happen in any family. Abuse can be loud and obvious through physical harm or it can just as easily quiet and insidious through emotional mistreatment. In every way it tears families apart, leaving everyone broken and hurt.

A mother in one of my groups is in such a relationship, pregnant with her second child. Her love for her husband and son are so strong, yet she is being torn apart emotionally. Her spouse has a terrible temper and she is often the brunt... though not physically. She is always left emotionally devastated after every rage, feeling worthless, believing every word. Ultimately her spouse will come bearing gifts, a show of love for her, the only way her spouse knows how.

Family counseling is not an option, refused outright by her spouse. How can this be anything but her fault? The blame is placed on mistrust from past relationships. The result is control of her every move, who she sees and what she does. How incredibly sad to see the toll it places on this young woman as she struggles to be a mother and loving partner, who is now turning her emotions inwards, affecting her sleep and health.

This leaves the women in our group, the only ones she feels comfortable sharing her difficult secret with, to support her. Pray she receives the guidance and strength to do what she needs to do for her health and safety.

Organization
You know that illusive dream, always just barely out of reach of your grasping fingers stretching out longingly? However close I am to the dream of organization, I never fully realize it because as soon as I have one part of my life organized, the other parts seem to slip quietly in to near chaos.

This week we are preparing for a wonderful birthday celebration for our two youngest as their birthdays are but two weeks apart. Pinata's to make, house and yard to prepare, food to make and decorations to hang... and exciting adventure yet not without anxiety as the week is short and the list is long.

Meanwhile the ever slowly developing accreditation program I am continually working on and the books I am ever so close to finishing sit quietly in the background, sliding behind schedule. I think I will burn the midnight oil tonight to get those off my desk so that I can better focus on the birthday fun. ¡Cumpleaños Felices!

Changes
This past year has been very interesting with our moving to a new community and the growth that brings in learning about it and the people within. Moving also brings with it changes of many sorts and every change brings with it new stress and challenges. I absolutely love our new city and the people here, we have found a true home that I loathe to move from. Yet with this new community emerges new responsibilities and with every move a refocusing on priorities.

When I moved to Lloydminster, my priorities were to focus on family and my catalogue, shifting away from doula support and training for a short while. Yet I was pulled reluctantly away by an ambitious doula who sought me out. I wish I would have stayed focused on my priorites, instead I learned difficult lessons about trust and friendship. Now my priorities are on family and training, which has been going so well. Our school year is winding to a close and it has been an exciting one of learning with new talents emerging in each child. My workshop last weekend affirmed my priorities were well-focused and I truly love what I do.

Change is good.

Damned if you do...
As much as I would like to blog more frequently, I have been so busy with other things that it seems weeks go by without my returning to write my thoughts. Well today is a vent of sorts as I am near tears. As I have posted before, I do a lot of volunteer work for various organizations and I truly love giving of my time and talents to these worthy programs, which at times take a significant commitment.

When it is an organization that is dear to my heart (and I don't volunteer for any that are not), then I put my heart and soul into supporting that organization, striving to improve it in any way that I can. One such organization that I volunteer for has been struggling from lack of volunteers which has put a lot of stress on those who are doing all the work. In my wanting to reduce the stress and workload, I have been mulling over options which usually works, but this time I found myself still in a quandary. So instead of not finding answers myself, I decided to brainstorm with another and some great answers came to me from that conversation. Excited, I wanted to share those ideas and was met with the coldest shoulder I have felt in a very long time, so much so that it brought me to tears.

Where did I go wrong? What is my next step? This organization is so important to me and I feel lost not knowing where I stand or what to do - a feeling I am not used to. Wow, just writing this has been cathartic, I will do as I have always done, sleep on it and awake with a fresh new perspective. Goodnight everyone and sweet dreams!

Connie Banack, author and writer
I am so excited; I am now officially an "author"! I have been writing my entire life. Most of my writing has been in putting together articles, journaling (very cathartic, I recommend it to anyone), and for the ongoing projects I seem to volunteer for on an ongoing basis - and I love every minute. Though my first two books are not completed (one a fiction, the other a childbirth educator manual), the first of my four booklet series for Canadian childbirth professionals is completed and the other three are well on their way to completion. My ISBN numbers have already been assigned and my editor absolutely loves my work. My publisher, the Canadian Doula Association, is getting everything set up to market my books, providing a choice of one as a membership perk upon purchase of a new membership.

My childbirth educator manual is almost completed as well, a long labour of love in that it is coming together slowly but surely along with the entire certification program that surrounds it. The Global Birth Institute, my publisher for this manual, is very excited about the completion of this project and with it's completion I can focus on my next manual and certification program I am developing for them, for childbirth doulas.

Birthing Choices
Today, Australian newspaper The Courier-Mail, reported Child laws invoked over birthing choice in which a mother who didn't show up for her prenatal appointment and cancelled her caesarean section booking was investigated by Child Safety Department after being reported by the Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital. She had previously had two children by caesarean section and her physician felt she was risking her newborn. She was reported as per the newly enacted laws meant for pregnant women unwilling to take the advice of medical professionals not to attempt natural births.

Officers advised her to seek medical advise and deliver in a hospital. While they did not want to interfere with the right of parents to make informed medical choices, they had a duty to act on advice from authorities such as police or doctors if they believed an unborn child was at risk. The left after being told she would go to Caboolture Hospital. She subsequently gave birth to her daughter at the Caboolture Hospital naturally after seven hours of labour.

Though I applaud the new laws enacted to protect unborn children, at what cost is this to pregnant mothers? Will Australia follow the US's misguided lead of court-ordered caesarean section for the protection of the unborn? The newest study published in the NEJM is a study showing the risks of both elective caesarean section and vaginal birth after a prior caesarean. In keeping with this study, which does have a deep flaw in excluding all planned ERCS patients who present in labour and the subsequent lack of UR in this group, the risks of either option are very low. An elective caesarean section poses a greater risk to the mother (1.6/4000) while a VBAC does have an increased risk to the baby (1/4000), especially if the mother is induced (2/4000).

But we cannot ignore the other end of the spectrum, what about the rights of the newly conceived unborn? Why are they considered less precious than a full-term unborn where their rights are protected? When will the killing of unborn children early in pregnancy stop? Many questions that we need to consider in this so-called enlightened age we live in.

Failure
I am sure all of us have experienced failure in one form or another over the span of our livetime. Maybe it was failing to complete a grade, pass a class, or finish school. Maybe it was a failed business, or worse yet, hanging onto a failing business without a business plan, grasping wildly at ideas for products and services that float through your desperate thoughts with only a client or customer here and there who's income doesn't come close to paying the expenses. Those failures are often a result of failed planning and focus.

My failure is that of giving birth to my sons. I know many would argue that a cesarean section, in whatever form it may be presented, is not a failure and some would even argue that it is a success - through avoiding the ardure of childbirth. But for me it was failure, completely and utterly so. At no time in either my husbands or my ancestral history had a cesarean been performed to bring forth a child. Mine was the first. I had an almost nieve trust in birth having grown up on a farm where birth was normal and complications very rare as we were taught very young not to interfere with the process because interruption of any sort would increase risks. I also believed from these experiences that an assisted birth, and especially a cesarean, were used only in high risk situations and that it would forever mark that mother for risks in future births.

Fast forward to my first birth, I am in early labour... most likely prodomal labour caused by the stress of my grandparents home being broken into the night before and supporting them which left me dehydrated as I focused on their needs instead of mine. I had never seen a normal labour pattern in human or animal longer than 24 hours - and completely ignored the birth stories that were oft-told of long labours and less than great outcomes because I was sure it wouldn't happen to me. I assumed my labour would be straightforward as my mothers had been and her mother before her. Yet upon entering the hospital I never felt comfortable and felt as if I was continually watched while my requests for my doctors presence went unheeded for many hours. Without progression, he finally did grace us with his presence and broke my water, something that is never done unless a calf or other babe is born en caul and unable to break it to breathe. Contractions worsened, pain increased and still no progression. Again my doctor came and instead of support he gave us a verdict, I "needed" a cesarean. Nevermind that my baby was healthy and that I had barely started dilation, it was nearing 5 pm on a Friday evening and he had better things to do than laboursit a primip. To add fuel to the fire, it was deemed emergent so I was placed under general anesthesia to bring forth my first born son.

My second labour progressed much better, I felt prepared yet still very much more anxious given the post trauma stress I relived while in labour again. Yet my secondborn, precious babe that he was, chose to present brow first and thanks to another amniotomy, was unable to correct his position. Cesarean number two was performed while I was awake and watching the entire procedure from first incision to suture with the assistance of the reflection in the overhead lights. Very healing in my being able to watch him come forth from my body, yet the surgery reinforced my feelings of failure.

Supported by two midwives, my primary being quite medical minded, I laboured very well with number three, completely dilated by nightfall of the first day. Yet morning slowly dawned with no baby in my arms and tension so great in my pelvis I couldn't even void urine from the tension caused by pain. Many questions arose post-surgery and even during labour as to why my midwives didn't see that tension and counteract it... but nothing was done so I was brought to the hospital where my favourite nurse encouraged me to keep going. I declined and walked to surgery where all of my requests were granted, though I ended up with a great deal less blood thanks to an overly efficient obstetrician who certainly didn't have the virtue of patience.

Yet through those three failed experiences I now have three of my four most precious gifts from God. My faith has been renewed through the fire of these trials and the tribulation of my daughters pure birth. Without these experiences I would not have the many blessings I have today in all aspects of my life, including the experience of birth as God intended, within the folds of familial arms in the safety of our home.

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:50

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Canadian Doula Association
Despite a great vision by the founder of the CDA, this organization with so much potential has been resting as a simple doula referral website for years, languishing in my care as I took the time each month to update the website and connect clients with doulas. It has been a labour of love as I answer doulas questions or support a distant mother who has a concern she has been unable to find an answer to. It has grown so much and is now a very popular referral site, well known to professional s and expectant parents alike, especially as it is cited in several training programs for nursing students and birth professionals.

It is time for change, time for growth, and time for a renewed excitement. No longer do we wish the CDA to be a mere online referral service, the CDA is ready for an exciting metamorphasis from chrysalis to butterfly, dormant to an incredibly beautiful and important new entity. With a new board spanning the country in place and many excellent projects in the pipeline, the new CDA will be launching as a support organization for doulas later this spring. We want to support the doulas and birth professionals who are working day-to-day with clients, spending the countless hours at births and wanting to improve their skills while continuing to work with mothers and their families.

I am very excited to see the growth that is happening behind the scenes as we ready for our re-creation. We are getting ready to better support struggling doulas and become the informational strength behind the doulas who continue the work of marketing, supporting clients, and for most, juggling their own family commitments all the while.

Computers and Ranting
I am always writing something or other with the many projects I am currently involved in, all of them being somehow birth related it seems. We are in the middle of a huge expansion project with the Canadian Doula Association and my computer started to whine. No noises eminated from the tower at my feet, but it was slowing down a little more each day and upon further inspection I learned that the hard drive was slowly losing memory. I immediately assumed a virus, but none were found and I continued to investigate. We are almost positive it is actually an aging factor, the hard drive is failing and more so each day. Before experiencing a hard lock (which I hear is not a fun experience), I burned all of my files to CD and am now working on our new "notebook" laptop. I still have a few programs to install in this computer before I am able to continue on the above projects, but it is a wonderful pause as I spend the entire day just hanging out with the kids.

Intuition and Premonitions

I have long believed in intuition and premonitions, though knowing that these gifts are stronger in some than others. Once again my intuition has proven right as I woke when my latest client was in early labour in the wee hours of one morning last week. I was in a very deep sleep, I remember the dream I was in vividly, and I heard a doorbell. It took me a while to pull myself awake and once I was awake I knew it was my client in labour. I was curious about the doorbell rather than the phone ringing, but this is a logical option as they will be driving to the birth center a mere five minutes from my home and they may have stopped here instead of calling first. I checked outside to be sure it wasn't them, and it wasn't, so I knew labour was early and I would hear from them if it developed into a good labour pattern or would not if the contractions slowed. I did feel a bit uneasy though because I felt she would have the same efficient and quick labour she had with her first son, but that there would be a concern of some sort at the birth. Knowing I could do nothing at this point, I fell back to sleep.

They stopped by on their way to their next midwifery appointment the next morning and confirmed my belief that she had indeed been in labour at the exact time I woke and that it had stopped a couple of hours later. She gave birth in water Sunday evening to a 9 lb 7 oz son after a quick but intense labour. The concern I felt was shoulder dystocia which was handled superbly by their midwife as she used the Gaskin Maneuver, but it was a tough dystocia and three minutes before babe was out and not breathing. He started breathing very quickly on his own and pinked up quickly, thank you God.

One of the unique strengths of my intuition is my knowing when my clients go into labour and being prepared for their call. After many clients I have never been wrong. I have also known what each of my children were before they were born as well as predicting the daughters my two sisters had. I also have very strong premonitions when my sons are hurt badly, like when Eric broke his foot. I knew where each would be hurt (in Eric's case, I knew it was his lower leg), though the cause is sometimes vague. This is a wonderful gift at times, but very difficult when you anticipate a bad event.

Sleep
It is with amazement that I write today at the effects of a solid nights sleep. Even with a cold and at the tail end of a mild flu I find even 7 hous of sleep, without interruption, blissful. I am just now able to sleep through the night in the absence of my childrens' needs for the first time in close to five years. Sound unbelievable? There's more, for much of those five years, I never slept for more than two hours at a time!

I have blogged before about sleep and my personal sleep deprivation experiences. For those of you who have not gone without sleep (other than self-inflicted, which doesn't count) because of children, work, or other reasons, I can no longer imagine that blissful ignorance. Before I had children, I truly believed that I needed 10 hours of sleep in order to function... and indeed that was the case. If I did not, I was a bear not to be reckoned with!

Eric was born and amazingly slept through the night at seven weeks... and I whined about that length of time. Ryan brought a once nightly waking until he was 2 1/2... and I grumbled about that. Then Brendan came, my "non-sleeping baby," who continued to wake at least every two hours, even after his sister was born three years later. He grew out of his waking during his third year and was replaced by his sister, who now woke in his schedule. Well, she is now consistently sleeping through the night at almost 20 months... and I am astounded at how little sleep I truly need!

I have long wanted to sit and blog but I have barely been able to answer email, nevermind journal in my blog. Suffice is to say I have had a very exciting November! Two workshops and the ICAN executive board retreat in Salt Lake City have filled my weekends. Working on large chunks of the ICAN Chapter Leader Accreditation program and my book, a childbirth education manual, and homeschooling have filled my weeks. The manual will be published through a large Canadian textbook company for GBI (the Global Birth Institute).

I love what I do and it keeps me working at a fast pace during the day and dreaming of my projects at night. The boys (Eric and Ryan) are thriving this homeschool year and making great friendships in our new community. Brendan is eager to start school so he is learning colours and counting while Breanna keeps everyone on our toes with her exploration.

My next client couple are close friends and will be birthing at the Stony Plain Birth Centre which is less than five minutes from my house. As the only birth center in Alberta, it is such a joy to work with the midwives (one of whom was my midwife for my third birth), nurses and Dr. Stonehawker who co-founded the center. He is a long-time member of our new church where I have been working with new mothers in a weekly new mom's group. My work and our family continues to be blessed with each new day!

Summer Lover
I was perusing my favorite TV Channel's website, HGTV.ca. I don't get time to sit and watch TV until winter's cold comes, so I was checking out any new information online. I took a neat little "What is Your Signature Season" poll and the answer confirmed my belief:

Summer lover.

You love warmth, being outside and being active. Once the weather starts to chill, you have a tendancy to hybernate.

Heat is your strength, so when the temperature drops, take up activities that keep you warm: Join an indoor tennis, soccer or squash league. Treat yourself to a monthly spa treatment—try a Temaczal treatment in a heated chamber, or do an at-home treatment with a colour therapy bath — get bath oils in yellow or red, your strength hues.

In the middle of winter, make an indoor miniature greenhouse of herbs, teas or your favourite flowers. Host an indoor picnic party by buying large billowy plants, and putting down a cozy plaid blanket, then serve up potato salad (comforting yet summer food!) and mini sandwiches. Light a fire and make s'mores on a Friday night, make a beautiful fruit salad every Sunday morning or a glass fresh-squeezed lemonade on a Saturday afternoon.

Never Violence
I happened across this wonderful story a couple of weeks ago...

Never Violence
a story told by Astrid Lindgren
[Author of Pippi Longstocking]

"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In
1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for
her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following
story.
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told
me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't
believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch
pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day
when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt
warranted a spanking--the first of his life. And she told him that
he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him
with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was
crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's
a rock that you can throw at me."

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from
the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then
it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do
it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they
both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to
remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I
think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the
nursery--one can raise children into violence."

I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's
point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children
other than what we think we're teaching them.

Published by permission of Saltkrakan AB, Lidingoe, Sweden, owner of
all copyrights to Astrid Lindgren's works.

In reflecting on this story, I too thought I would find such a rock as this and as I was looking I also finished setting the rocks around our front pond. The rocks came from the farm I grew up on, where I learned life's lessons and occasionally felt a belt across my backside. As I reflected on my parenting skills, my youngest son joined me and we patiently moved the rocks and adjusted them just right.

As we neared completion, Brendan stood up and said he had found a heart rock. Sure enough, there was a beautful reddish rock in his hand in the vague shape of a heart. I could not have found a more perfect rock, and how beautiful that it should come from my most challenging of children. I have told my mother on more than one occasion that I was blessed with Brendan to teach me patience as he has indeed stretched me to my limits on numerous occasions. It is in that stretching that I grew, but it is also in that stretching that I have spanked when I knew I shouldn't. Brendan's heart rock sits proudly in my kitchen window, to remind me each day to allow myself to stretch without lashing back at my little ones.

A funny thing happened on the way to church this morning. As usual, I was heading out early to circumvent any problems that are often encountered as we prepare for any outing with four children such as lost shoes and forgotten jackets or books. Things were going very smoothly as Brendan, Ryan and Eric were already out the door and I was just shoeing Breanna before we left, with plenty of time to spare.

As he was waiting, Brendan was perched on a rock by our front pond looking at the fish when his arms started to wave and... yes you are right, he fell in. Given that it isn't a large pond and his agility, he fortunately landed on his feet. Yet, wet up to his knees and wearing his only shoes, we had to do a quick change into dry pants, socks and now sandals before leaving. We still made it on time and didn't miss a word of Cowboy Randy's Sunday School intro!

Speaking of Cowboy Randy, we are truly enjoying our new church, Immanuel Lutheran Church of Rosenthal, southwest of Stony Plain. Cowboy Randy heads up the Sunday School team and the boys are loving both him and their teachers. Sunday School is held all but the first Sunday of each month, when all the children join their families during service. I am also excited about the New Moms program initiated by this church and the far reaching impact it has in bringing mothers from the whole county and even from Edmonton. Ruth and I will be working together in supporting these mothers and I will meet these mothers as I get to know Immanuel's members better over the next few weeks. I am feeling strongly about proposing my Christian prenatal classes to the church board as I had so successfully done in Camrose at Messiah Lutheran.

Beloved Chairs
Do you have or remember a wonderfully cosy chair that you loved to spend time in? We drove past the local dump today and I pictured in my mind the recliner we left at a very similar dump back in Lloydminster. It brought back memories of just that type of recliner, given to us by a wonderful neighbour in Camrose when I was pregnant with Eric. It was my safe haven at the end of long workdays spent on my feet managing a local camera store. I would curl up in it after supper was made and often slept there before I crawled into bed, it is amazing how much extra sleep a pregnant mother needs!

I also found that chair a wonderful place to breastfeed and cuddle my first two newborns. Later, I also came to curse it because of it being the reason Eric was posterior which lead directly to my first cesarean, though it was long after his birth that I learned of the correlation. It was also after it became the "trick chair" which lay harboured in our basement awaiting it's next "victim" who inadvertently sat in it to be thrown back far enough to feel as if it was falling backwards. It never did, but the boys found it a wonderful place to bring those who didn't know of it's penchant to lean too far backward, likely caused by those same boys.

Bittersweet
My brother-in-law, a wonderful and kind man who we can all learn a lesson in patience from, has been asked by our Lord to join Him. His immediate family will be taking him off of life support today as soon as his oldest two children join them from Montreal and Halifax.

Death is hard in that we know it will be a time before we meet that person again in heaven. Yet it is also a celebration when you know a person who as kind and generous and as strongly Christian as my brother-in-law has gone to meet our Lord. No more suffering and worry and stress, only celebration. We will miss you greatly, our journey in this world was made far better because of you.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. Starting with Allan's holidays, we had a wonderful time with just the right mix of vacation and visiting family. While we were gone our builder put the final finish on our cherry hardwood floors, a wonderful gift to come home to.

Sadly, the finish "fish eyed" which basically means that it looked splotchy, something no one expected. The only way to remedy it, however, was to completely refinish it. We had anticipated having it done closer to Christmas but our builder called and said he could do it last week, so the kids and I packed up again and headed off to my parents farm for three more days, leaving Allan behind to live around the refinishers as he came and went to work.

We had a glorious time with my parents and my sister's family and returned home to the most amazing floors, they were perfect. The dust covering every surface took a few hours to remove, but my house is so clean now.

Monday we recieved a call that our brother-in-law had a bad heart attack and was in the hospital. They fear he suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen before the ambulance arrived, despite Allan's sister (his wife) giving him CPR. We waited until yesterday to visit, hoping he would be awake, but he is still under sedation. Today he is having a cat scan, so we are awaiting to hear more. Meanwhile, Eric stepped on a piece of glass which I couldn't remove Monday evening so we spent a "wonderful" three hours in the Stoney Plain hospital, but we met several great nurses and the ER doctor was fabulous.

We have been homeschooling amid it all, the boys are loving their new math curriculum and are enjoying returning to formal learning.

Abdominal Massage
I am continually learning. I am like a sponge, seeking more information from every avenue and I absolutely love the adventure. For instance, I learned of the value of homeopathy from my midwife during my third pregnancy. When I felt the benefits personally during labour and the incredibly fast recovery from a cesarean with arnica, I dove in and self-taught all about what homeopathy was, its benefits during the perinatal period and the wonderful benefits to my family. But enough on that subject...

A few days ago I learned of an exciting massage called Maya Abdominal Massage. I had heard of the Mexican midwives doing “la sobada”, or abdominal massage, during pregnancy as a regular course of care. But I knew nothing, like the benefits or even the reasoning beyond a wonderful and relaxing massage for mom and baby.

Maya Abdominal Massage goes far beyond relaxation, and thus my excitement. The massage is centered around the ancient Mayan technique which repositions organs that have dropped and restricted the flow of blood, lymph, nerve and chi energy. For women, that means optimal positioning of her "center" which is her uterus.

Let me back up a bit. Before my first pregnancy, I was told I had a tilted uterus. I was lead to believe it was a problem, yet nothing was explained to me and modern medicine has no "cure" for this. Now I am learning that some of the medical concerns I have had in the past are directly related to this. You see, when it tilted to any side, it can "constrict normal flow of blood and lymph, and disrupt nerve connections. Just a few extra ounces sitting on blood and lymph vessels can cause havoc throughout the different systems in the body." (excerpted from Healing Wombs: Maya Abdominal Massage)

Rosita Arvigo, a Chicago naprapath, spent the last several decades in Central America, where she has studied with dozens of traditional healers and midwives, the most notable of whom was Don Elijio Panti, the renowned Maya shaman of Belize. Arvigo says 90% of women will have a misplaced or tipped uterus at some point in their lives. The causes include difficult labor and delivery with prolonged periods of pushing; poor professional care during pregnancy, labor and delivery; repeated pregnancies close together; falls to the sacrum; a career in aerobics or high impact sports and dancing; wearing high heel shoes; poor alignment of the pelvic bones with the spinal column; chronic muscle spasms around the hips, low back and sacrum; carrying young children on the hip for prolonged periods of time; rape, sexual abuse or incest at any time in life; chronic constipation; running or working on cement surfaces with improper foot support; and errors committed during surgery that cut through uterine ligaments.

I started out with a tilted uterus, how did that relate to my subsequent reproduction? Here are the symptoms of a tilted uterus:
• Painful or irregular periods
• Dark thick fluids at the beginning and end of the period
• Blood clots
• No menstruation at all
• Headaches, especially with the period
• Dizziness with the period
• Varicose veins
• Tired legs, numb feet or sore heals
• Lower back ache
• Infertility
• Endometriosis
• Endometritis
• Uterine Polyps
• Painful intercourse
• PMS
• Uterine infections
• Frequent urination
• Ovarian cysts
• Vaginitis
• Hormonal imbalances
• Difficult pregnancy and delivery
• Weak newborn infants
• Premature deliveries
• Difficult menopause
• Cancer of the cervix, uterus, colon or bladder

It can also lead to cesarean section, which I had three of, and I have had more than my share of the above symptoms in the last 12 years, including infertility, an ovarian cyst, lower back ache, tired legs and more. I learned it is incredibly useful for post-cesarean mothers in reducing the adhesions.

I am excited to say that I have found two practitioners in Edmonton who do this type of massage, one taught by Dr. Arvigo herself. For more information, check out www.arvigomassage.com.

Ancient Goddesses
I took a test today to see which goddess I was most like. I find the study of ancient greek and roman gods and goddesses intriguing as they are so much a part of our biblical history and impacted our lifespan as humans on this earth incredibly. The answer was very interesting, for me at least...

You scored 33.3% Athena
If you are ruled by Athena, you are bright-eyed, shrewd, resourceful and inventive. With friends, you are the wise counselor -- always ready with an empowering message. You are believe strongly that women can accomplish anything men can. No wonder you put so much time into your career. Athena women tend to be ruled by their head, not by their heart. You carefully guard your intimate side, protecting your emotions and vulnerability. If you want to awaken your unexpressed womanliness, you'll have to use the same passion you apply to your intellectual achievements. It's important that you work to integrate your strong masculine side with your feminine side -- bringing together your strength with your vulnerability, your creativity with caring, your intelligence with imagination. Otherwise, you risk coming off as unaffectionate and self-righteous.

You scored 33.3% Persephone
If you exemplify the qualities of Persephone, you have most likely experienced great loss in your life -- the loss of your health or your emotional or physical security, the betrayal of a friend or lover, the loss of a child, your own divorce or that of your parents. This experience has forced you to face the dark, unenlightened side of yourself (the side that blames other people or circumstances for your own suffering) and transform yourself into a stronger, more independent, more accepting and more loving person. It may have also led you down a spiritual path, and moved you to place great emphasis on inner calm and on close connections with friends. You are capable of embracing, integrating and accepting difficult experiences. Because of that skill, you offer others the gift of empathy -- you know where they are or have been.

Thank you Dr. Ninian for the traumatic birth experiences that allowed me to grow and transform into who I am today. Without those experiences, I most certainly would not be where I am today. Take the test yourself if you are interested, http://www.women.com/.

Frustration
Today, in hindsight, I find it amusing. Yesterday I was in sheer frustration over the expectations placed on me by my husband... or maybe it was the expectations I think he is placing on me. It started with a long talk about his stress levels and how they impacted our family and specifically our children. I wanted to discuss them with him to see if he saw his short temper and orders were concern to him as it was to myself. I also wanted to see what I could do to help alleviate some of the stressors in his life.

Everyone knows that moving is a significant stress maker, all psychologists will list this as one of the highest stress events in a persons life. That coupled with working in a newly relocated store has certainly elevated his stress levels. Those ones were obvious... I was looking for ones I could do something about.

Certainly having four children and their need and want for parental involvement and supervision in everything from playing a board game to altercations was high on the list. Balancing the need to finishing our yard, deck, basement and insulating the garage before winter with time with family also weighed heavily. Financial concerns are always on his mind as well, raising four children isn't easy.

Then came the ones I wanted to hear... or did I. He cited the work-in-progress sewing I have been doing since shortly after we moved. He mentioned the sinking sod alongside our house that needs to be attended to before the sod established, and the unfinished edging still to be installed. He then added that I spend too much time on the computer, which has long been a sore point between us. He knows I haven't played a computer game in years as most of my computer time is taken with business related work such as my book as well as my non-profit volunteer work with ICAN and the Lloydminster Doula Association. Even then, if I even spend an hour on the computer I call myself lucky. I won't contrast that with the hours he spends playing Civilization...

In my oh-so-brilliant belief that I could do something, I was envisioning solving his problems. So let's look at this shall we? I wake up at 7 am... on a good day. It can be as early as 5 depending on the two little ones and when they wake. I make meals, lunch for Allan, parent my four children almost exlusively (with all that entails), do laundry (every day), clean (no small task with four busy bodies), and delegate/followup on the kids' cleaning chores. I run my business from home so that involves email, phone, meetings, and errands. I also do the errands and the requests Allan has asked of me (and not always getting them done, another sore point he mentioned).

Today I have to pick up a parcel, thread for the sheers, and check lottery tickets... the rest was phone calls, all done this morning. Breanna's naptime is when I "work" - as in sewing, yardwork, basement. Right now I am running electrical to do as much prep for the electrician as I can. This morning I fixed the low spots by the house, after lunch I put in the remaining edging (yay!). The king size duvet cover I am sewing is half done, I hope to finish it today as well.. barring the zipper giving me a problem. As soon as Breanna wakes I have to run the recycling to the depot. Oh, I almost forgot, when we return, I need to supervise three bathroom cleanings.

That does not include updating the LDA website about their grand opening in October and helping plan upcoming Parent Education Nights, finishing the CDA website updates, calling Revenue Canada for ICAN/CIIA Canada's charity status information, calling two clients (one returned from holidays today), and of course my book. I think I forgot something... oh well, I am sure it will come to me before I drop into bed around 11 pm.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I do, parenting my kids full time and the work I do, both with my business and volunteer. But it begs the question... it HAS to be easier to go to work for 9 hours, come home to a hot meal, even if a bit stressful with four children, and play an hour or so of Animal Crossing with the boys before bed.... right? Maybe I shouldn't be so worried about Allan's stress and let him find the answers for himself.

PS. I know I should not be so facetious, but only with finding the humour in it all can I not get frustrated. I did remember what I forgot though, to bring a stack of Birth Issues to the local library and pack the new MCI booklets (the parcel I picked up) for the Canadian ICAN chapters so I can send them out first thing Monday. Oh and the boxes we need to move downstairs after cleaning out the garage yesterday are still sitting in my entry too. I had better go!

Copyrights and Plagiarizm
I have found many instances in my professional life where I have not fully understood copyright and plagiarizm. I gave myself a primer on the Canadian Copyright Act and reflection on the meaning of plagiarism recently, learn with me.

Ownership of Copyright: Subject to this Act, the author of a work shall be the first owner of the copyright therein. R.S., 1985, c. C-42, s. 13; 1997, c. 24, s. 10.

Term of Coyright: The term for which copyright shall subsist shall, except as otherwise expressly provided by this Act, be the life of the author, the remainder of the calendar year in which the author dies, and a period of fifty years following the end of that calendar year. R.S., 1985, c. C-42, s. 6; 1993, c. 44, s. 58.

Plagiarizm (from Webster's 1913 dictionary) is: \Pla"gia*rize\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. {Plagiarized}; p.pr. & vb. n. {Plagiarizing}.]To steal or purloin from the writings of another; to appropriate without due acknowledgement (the ideas or expressions of another).

An apology

This is to a former friend, you know who you are.

I know we have not talked for a long time in person or even on the phone. I find it difficult given the emotions I feel when I hear your voice, I think you understand. We have been through a lot since that fateful day when we first met, both excited about my move to Lloydminster and our collaboration to promote doulas in a town where you were the first.

I still grieve our lost friendship, we have a lot in common you and I. I sometimes think our shared hubris are what finally tore our friendship apart. You had started promoting doulas within Lloydminster and here I came with an established business to infringe on your work.

I know our communication skills could have been much better, we both assumed much and in doing so made some grave errors. For my assuming more than I should have, I am sorry.

I had an assumption that we could work cooperatively. What a difference we could have made if we each promoted on our own, so for that I am sorry for asking you to join our Mother Care team.

I assumed you understood our contract. I never meant to mislead you in any way and if you feel I did, then I am sorry. I explained our contract to you just as I did to all the other contracted Mother Care doulas and obviously I and our contract didn't do an adequate enough job in outlining our roles.

I am sorry that I gave you more liberations than I normally would any other contracted doula. We both knew I would not be living in Lloydminster long and my hope was to leave you as a strong, well organized and busy referral coordinator for Mother Care, just as I was able to leave Katelyn as our local referral coordinator in Camrose.

I am sorry that I didn't pull the belly cast kits from Blooming Gals. I know you now realize that some women would rather do their own belly cast, just as I did, and I too was focused on meeting those mother's needs, as I always have been. I didn't realize that you didn't understand that at the time.

As your mentor, I did you a disservice in not explaining professional relationships as well as I could have. I incorreclty believed your DONA training gave you that knowledge. For that I am sorry.

I am sorry I filed a grievance with DONA. I felt strongly at the time that you needed to be accountable to someone, even if only your certification organization. I had chosen not to press charges simply because I knew the outcome would not satisfy either of us and would cost us both money better spent on our families and businesses. I thought this would be a better option. I was wrong.

Your enthusiasm was amazing, you reminded me of myself when I first started Mother Care. I truly hope you have moved on with a positive frame of mind. I know I have, though sadly because of the broken bridges left behind.

Tragedy
Three weeks ago one of the assistant managers that worked alongside Allan had a motorcycle accident. He had just purchased a new machine hours earlier and for some reason he lost control and hit a grocery store window next to his apartment building before careening across a highway and into a cemetery. No one knows why he wasn't wearing his helmet or what really led up to his hitting the window, but he has been in a drug-induced coma as they let his brain heal since that awful day. They have tried several times to pull him out of the coma, but each time his intracranial pressure rose too much and they would have to stop. This week they have been very slowly reducing his meds, which had been working until last night. He had a stroke and died shortly after, he was 24 years old.

Allan went into work early today, called in to help the staff as they learn of Brian's death and to help keep the store running while the other managers grieve as well. He is also hoping to get a memorial organized for the store, as Brian will likely be buried in BC where he grew up and his family resides.

Death is never easy, but when death happens so young it is doubly difficult. Parents should never outlive their parents, but it happens too frequently. I cannot imagine losing one of my own children. I have been thinking a lot today about my former employer whose daughter died in a vehicle rollover when riding with friends several years ago. She was only sixteen and her death devastated her parents. I pray for strength for Brian's parents as they grieve their young son's death.

Sewing
I have been sewing a lot since we moved in to our new house in May. It has become a ritual with each new home we purchase, to make the drapes, valances, pillows, shams, and whatever else we need to change to fit with the latest house's decor. It is almost a bonding with our new home as we go from "open concept" (in this case meaning a view of our neighbourhood beyond the unshuttered windows) to our concluded cocoon of drapery fabrics and blinds, which allows us to view our neighbourhood when we wish.

Today I am finishing up the many valances that coordinate our main floor living space. They are of the same material as the living room drapes, the first project to be completed when we moved in. We found beautiful fabrics to coordinate with the drape material and our new sofas for pillows. I have made to huge floor pillows as well, a great place for the constant overflow of children we have at our house. Our bedroom is looking amazing, I have finished the drapes, bed skirt, pillow shams and three wonderful comfy pillows to read or watch TV in bed with. The only thing left is the duvet cover and I am finished. Just in time as we prepare for the school year ahead.

I find sewing very cathartic. Since I have done it all my life, it takes little thought beyond the initial planning, thus allowing me the ability to think and dream and reflect. I have been focused lately on the upcoming year as we plan school and my stream of workshops this fall and next spring. Everything is close to ready, including the new Childbirth Educator manual I am authoring for the Global Birth Institute. Exciting days ahead!

Ethics
I recieved a call from wonderfully ambitious doula who is a friend of mine. She, along five other doulas, have spent countless hours putting together and promoting a non-profit doula organization designed to promote and refer doula services within her city and surrounding areas. They have incorporated as a non-profit within their province, opened an office where they can meet clients and teach them, and pooled their resources to further the doula profession very professionally.

In conversation she told me that a doula in her area, who is not part of this group, has chosen to take their idea, rename it and start her own referral business.

My friend is not bothered at all with what this doula is doing, beyond the concern that she is giving doulas a less-than-reputable name. We both believe that the more doulas available to support women, the better off the community.

This doula has chosen not to work cooperatively with other professional doulas in her city, and that is fine. My heart goes out to her as she struggles to promote herself given the name she has made for herself as being strange and in-your-face. Marketing to expectant parents takes certain finesse, a give and take that builds trust... a vital component in a doula/client relationship. She has told potential clients about her being the only doula in the city, which is obviously not true and she is well aware of that. This only confuses potential clients and instantly builds distrust. I wonder what she is thinking as she continues along this route. She would do well to explore ethics in her future business plans.

Toddler Musings
A toddler with a black felt marker or ball point pen is a force to be reckoned with. To take it away guarantees screams loud enough to wake the neighbours and to not take away means certain graffiti. Unbenounced to me, Breanna must have found a red pen and chose to autograph the new valances I have been sewing for our house. Thankfully it is a small mark, so it went untouched as I finished them on the table bearing much larger black felt marker prints, having missed the paper she had started on. I keep meaning to scrub them off, but I like the warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach when I see them and remember the look on her face when she had finished her artwork. I wonder how long it will take anyone else before they spot her valance art.

Feminism and Family Values
Growing up, feminism was a huge part of who I was. The thought of not having choices like we do today in the workforce was appauling. Women are in almost every profession today and we bring to those professions a lot of skills, knowledge and perspective which has improved those professions. Our foremothers gave us all a great gift which we often take for granted today.

However, have we taken it too far? Traditionally women were to stay home to raise, care for and teach the children. This paradym shifted with women entering the work force. Today our society is based on a two income family, making it increasingly difficult for single income families to make ends meet. With two working parents, children are now being raised by daycares and schools rather than their own parents. To make up for their absence, parents are spending more money on their children by sending them to better schools, enrolling them in extra-curricular activities, and giving them every toy and DVD on the market. Each of these takes even more time from family... at what cost?

Allan and I specifically chose to have each of our children. In making the concious decision to become a mother, I also was making the decision to switch my focus from career to family for the next 18 years with each child we had. To me, having children means parenting them fully, not just when convenient or in the precious few hours between work hours and sleep. Allan and I both agreed that a full-time parent was integral to our having children and we have often discussed who should fulfill that role. At first it was him, but in the end we decided I was the one to stay at home, where I still am today.

A quandry I often face in today's society is how full time parents are viewed. If you are not a supermom/dad (juggling work and family) you are somehow a lesser person. Points go to parents who quickly add that they homeschool, yet even that doesn't equal a working parents status. I see those who work so hard they have nothing left to bring home to their children and I see children who act out to seek attention. I see overworked mothers who burn out, adrenals overworked and health ignored while they struggle to do it all. Depression is found everywhere, overworked working parents, full-time parents who feel second-class, kids who need more... where does it stop?

Life's Path
I attended our Kingman School reunion this past weekend. Kingman is my home, I grew up just north of this small hamlet on my parents farm. The school was a part of my life until it was reduced to an elementary school at the end of my eight grade. In thinking about the influence those years have had on my life in the past few weeks, the reflective journey has been enlightening. I remembered the friends I had, the teachers who shaped my education, and the experiences we all shared in those years. Our school was small, only 6 to 10 in each grade, we often shared a school room with one or more grades.

The reunion was a wonderful experience as we all caught up with each other's lives since we parted ways. I was surprised at how many I recognized, yet how a few have changed so dramatically I wouldn't have recognized them at all. One of my best friends told my husband of the time she accidentally lit my hair on fire in the bus. She put it out so quickly you couldn't even see where it was singed, but the lingering odour was not pleasant. It reminded me of the hot fall days branding cattle with my parents before we started cold branding.

We reminised about the countless hours we spent skating at the rink my Dad would flood every year for us. We laughed about the pranks we pulled on teachers, our principal was able to be there and he finally learned of some of them. He is amazing, he has changed so little and is so young at heart! He married late in life and has a beautiful 3 1/2 year old son who played with Brendan, our 4 year old, on the playground as we talked.

I found myself reflecting on my own life to date, remembering the youthful exuberance we all share as children, with the world out in front of us, our future an open book. My future is far different than I anticipated back then, yet every much as fulfilling as I had wanted. I wanted children and was blessed by four. I craved a career which I would love and I found that... because of my birth experiences. The two are much more intwined than I had anticipated, I am so blessed to be able to have both - the ability to be a full-time parent and enjoy my career.

I am also overjoyed that my classmates are all alive and healthy, though I continue to mourn the death of a classmates son with whom she was pregnant with in our final year in Kingman. She was all of sixteen when he was born, yet she was an amazing mother to him. He was in his early twenties when he died in a vehicle accident. I cannot imagine her pain in losing a child.

Finally, I have connected with a long-lost friend who has three children, all as beautiful and bright as she. Our kids all had a great time together at the reunion, off exploring the haunts we went to at their age. Our husbands also found a lot in common. We will be having a BBQ with them early next month and I can't wait to rekindle the kindred spirit we shared as children.

Past memories and the future an open book, I look forward to the next twenty years.

Animal Crossing
Who would have thought that a simple Nintendo GameCube game would improve my boy's reading and writing skills! I railed against the purchase of the GameCube and though I monitored the games they purchased, I had yet to find any of "value" beyond hand/eye coordination. However, I was soon to be mistaken that the GameCube is completely useless. Anyone who has boys knows they are notoriously not interested in the "art" of reading and writing. Rather they gravitate towards the large motor skill subjects like science and math manipulatives. However, recently Eric and Ryan pooled their birthday and work money (we don't give allowances, rather they earn their "income" from chores and attitude while doing them) and purchased the game Animal Crossing. During this game they learn quite a few life skills like budgeting, making money, investing, improving their community to attract neighbours, and communicating with the other residence of their community and other communities. The primary communication tool is reading and writing letters. I am now asked frequently what that specific word is (which we then sound out and usually discuss the uniqueness of the English language) and how to spell words as they send letters to each other and their neighbours. They are both reading much faster than they had previously and their spelling is improving daily. Even Brendan is really enjoying the game, it is truly amazing how strong children's memorization skills are who are not yet readers. Even he is "writing" letters, all gibberish, but fun to recieve anyway. Even Allan and I have joined in on the fun, each of us has our own "community" which they boys visit and we in turn visit theirs (the three boys live in the same community). What fun!

Wild Flowers
Every time we go on our bikes through the bike paths we see beautiful wild flowers everywhere. Thousands of white daisies, clover of every colour and alfalfa on it's tall stalks cover several acres along the trails and in ditches. How beautiful it is! What a contrast to the tumbleweeds in Lloydminster that would pile up against our eight foot fence so high they would allow many to tumble over into our yard. I long to stop and eat the flavourful clover blooms, I plan to on our next excursion. I would eat them by the tummy-full as a child, my mother taught us of the value of native plants. Next year this bare yard, slowly filling with plants and colour, will have many a native plant - thanks to the nurturing of my green thumb by my mother.

Alberta is Debt Free!
I am really proud to be an Albertan right now. Our provincial government announced today that our province is officially debt free. I know Ralph Klein has a lot of people who don't believe in what he was doing as he focused on Alberta's future of a debt-free province. Liberal Leader Kevin Taft said today, "There's no point to having a surplus when Albertans walk into crowded hospitals and classrooms and drive on crumbling roads." And though I see the concerns with crowded hospitals, having worked in them alongside staff, it is incredibly worse in Saskatchewan and other provinces. Classroom sizes are a moot point for this homeschooing mama. I chose to school my children rather than have them be lumped into a room with 30+ students... though I fail to see the difference between our province and others in terms of class size. I also fail to see the crumbling roads Taft mentions... anyone driving outside of this province will likely see a decline in road upkeep as soon as they leave the province, especially going eastward. It has long been a running joke of my husbands family that you know when you have hit Saskatchewan, the potholes will engulf your car at the border. You only have to drive the streets of Lloydminster to see the reality of that fact.

The one conflict I have with our premier on his beliefs is his inability to listen past the doctors, to realize that midwifery is a much more cost-effective way to support pregnant and birthing women than either FP or OB care. I wish that our letters to him and to his Health Minister would be read, truly read, and they understand that the dictatorship doctors have on modern medicine will be their demise as they try to hold on to the healthcare money themselves. Don't get me wrong, doctors are a very important part of healthcare, but not when it comes to the normal physiological process of pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. When this becomes high-risk, OB's are invaluable, but with 95% of women having normal, low-risk pregnancies and birth, there is absolutely no reason a specialist is needed. This would also dramatically reduce the cesarean rate, the intervention rate and improve outcomes for both mothers and babies. That has been proven in countries where midwives are the primary caregivers of women, like Holland for instance.

And maybe I don't see her point, but protester Donna McPhe shouted "Dictator!" at the announcement and accused Klein of balancing the books on the backs of the poor. We are a family with a single income and four children... we also recieved a good amount of bonus money from child tax as well as on our gas bill. That means we definitely were classified as the "working poor," and though we are by no means well off, we are doing fine. I credit that to my frugal husband who knows how to avoid debt by following a strict budget... not unlike our premier. I too often see aquantances and friends who misuse credit cards and their lines of credit on frivolous stuff that is inconsequential, except for the debt they are creating of course. Then they file bancrupcy because they can't pay off the new furniture and cars they have gone in to debt for. No thanks, I would rather avoid the stress of that myself by driving a used (but very reliable) vehicle and saving for furniture.

Yeehaw Alberta!

Music
I find music in all forms nurtures my soul. Some music I find perfect when I am in a sad or angry mood, others I find best when happy or excited. It is a sad day for our family as we learned one of our favourite bands Creed is disbanding. Their Christian background and beliefs have been a strong point for us, as though we do like rock music at times, we don't like the anger and hatred often found in this music. Another band, Switchfoot is also a popular rock band, yet with the same beliefs. How exciting that these two bands have come so far in mainstream music and can speak to those who need the message of hope in life that these two bands bring.

Rain
What a blessing this rain is to us all! We have not seen this much glorious water for years - what a welcome sight after the years of drought we have experienced. Having lived in Lloydminster during the last two years, we have seen it's worst as the fields literally dried up and blew away. The mounds of black dirt in the ditches, the barren pastures, stripped not only of their grass but barren of anything living. What the drought drought didn't dry up, the grasshoppers ate as they blazed a path through the barren landscape.

Why do those who don't understand the significance of this rain still complain? Oh they whine about not being able to camp this weekend or work in their yards... do they not understand the importance of higher water tables and fresh water supplies for us to use? Yes cool weather and rain can be an inconvenience to our schedules, but what a way to slow down and reflect on nature during these times. Why not take a walk under an umbrella, or better yet, under an umbrella of trees? Let the rain, as it slowly falls, nuture your soul as it dampens your hair and feel the fresh, dust-free breeze brush against your face. Enjoy it, water is precious and we know not what the future holds... more rain or more drought.

Exercise
Our family decided a few months ago that we would like to start a more formalized program of exercise as a homeschool project. The boys were finding that they were not getting enough exercise in the wintertime and we all wanted to be more active and athletic anyway. We searched around and found a program whereby we would alternate aerobic and weight exercises on opposite days. The aerobics included power yoga for flexibility and kickboxing as the high energy component. The weigh program used either resistance bands or weights based on personal preference. We have being doing this six days a week for the most part since April, though Allan joined in later because he was busy with the transfer and we all took a week or so off during the move.

What benefits we are enjoying! I am feeling much more energetic, as everyone has agreed. Our flexibility has increased quite a bit (I can again do the splits, it's been a while since I was in gymnastics) and we are finding we have less muscle aches because we are strengthening our whole body rather than stressing certain over-used muscles. We are all doing it as a family and even Brendan is joining in... what a great way to teach our children life-long skills that they can enjoy into adulthood. Fitness is an important part of healthy living, I hope our program will encourage our children to continue incorporating exercise for their entire lives, just as I plan to.

Grandparents
I have been thinking a lot about my maternal Grandparents of late, missing them terribly, though for different reasons. My Grandfather (Grampa) was as much a second father as I could have, we spent many hours together keeping his third-scale steam engine and thresher running, as my cousins and I took turns travelling to different "threshing bees" around Western Canada. He built them himself, making every piece and getting his steam license in order to do so, after his early retirement at 55. He always had lots of time for his seven Grandchildren and we learned a lot about our history from him. He was a very quiet and reflective man. We learned mostly by watching him and the events that surrounded us at the threshing bees, asking questions about it all and always recieving excellent, thoughtful answers. I have a deep appreciation for the pioneers of our great nation from those experiences and know a great deal about farming practices during the entire 20 century as they evolved ever so grandly into what we see today. Sadly, Grampa died of lung cancer almost six years ago - the result of smoking, which he quit before I was born. I miss him so much, knowing I will never be able to talk with him or sit and listen to his wisdom.

My Grandmother (Grama) is a stately woman, a proud farmers wife who was a true homemaker and artist. Her artistic talents were developed largely after their retirement, though she always made beautiful things. She is always ready to laugh and always had her motorhome door open to everyone, grandkids and friends alike. Interestingly, she doesn't like to travel now that Grampa is gone. She is now 86 and living in a senior's home, very healthy and always looking wonderful. I miss her because until not long ago, I was three hours from her and didn't get to visit with her much. Now I am a mere 1 1/2 hours away, I plan on spending more time with her and really talking with her. I want to know more about her, her hopes, her thoughts, her wisdom to share from her perspective, having been through much and learning far more than I know now. I cannot wait to see her next week!

A Tough Day
Do you ever have one of those days when never crawling out from under the covers would have made it so much better? Well it is a very rare event in my life, yet today was one of them. It started with constant interruptions as I was cleaning the bedrooms, I am not sure which was worse, the boys and their needing something every five minutes or the phone. It took thrice as long as it should have, the dust from the earth movers has been fun to clean, not. Almost done, I moved on to clean my room where the boys jumped up on our bed to talk... fresh from the sandbox, before the bed was made... now it needed de-sanding too. Washing the floor before lunch turned interesting when Breanna spit up her breakfast banana and later threw her watermelon on the floor, which splattered everywhere. Nothing like doing it twice! Finally, during a quiet moment, I was writing an introduction for work and half way through Breanna figured out how to turn off the computer. Smart baby, mad mommy.

All of this pales to insignificance though when I recieved a call from a client, who at nine weeks pregnant is bleeding. I comforted her as she cried, we discussed her options and she called her midwife. This is the third client I have supported through a miscarriage and it is never easy. I grieve along with them, knowing the lost dreams they are feeling, even when it is early in a pregnancy. I have experienced two very early miscarriages, both before I realized I was pregnant, yet I would never compare my loss to anothers. Each of us grieves in our own unique way and having someone to support them through it is so important. After talking to her midwife, my client chose to leave work and rest at home, allowing the process to progress, down whichever road that may lead. Tonight she is quite sure she is miscarrying and is grieving her loss. My prayers have covered her all day, however the Lord's will be done, as always.

Construction Zone
Well the novelty of living in a construction zone has definitely worn thin. We were the first to move into our new subdivision and having no neighbours for the first month was interesting. We were well prepared for the construction during the day, but were anticipating normal working hours, like from 8 to 6 and the odd overtime. Well the delivery trucks start rolling in around 6:30 with their insessant back-up beep, beep, beeps and shinglers are on the roofs until 11 pm working with the last light so as to get the house covered before the anticipated rain the next day. Even that was tolerable, but now we have one of those huge earth movers preparing the new close behind our house and it has an interesting quirk... the horn goes when it is full, and continues until the driver lifts the bucket. Now depending on how close he is to the end of the strip he is doing depends on how long he lets the horn blare. That started at 7 sharp this morning and though I was up well before, Allan worked until 11 last night so he wasn't as impressed.

At the same time, the excitement as we watch new houses go from a newly dug hole to completion is never dull and the boys are fascinated. They are not strangers to the process as this is our third new home in a newer subdivision since we had Eric so they are well-versed in construction basics. Eric is very interested in engineering, carpentry, and the profession of a sawyer. In contrast Ryan is much more the architect and loves designing rather than the hands-on skills.

Relaxing Vacations
Have you ever had to recover from a vacation? Your pour so much time into getting to a dozen places or travel great distances and are so busy that you don't take time to rest... and return to work less rested than before you left.

We had a VERY relaxing ten days, spending loads of time with our kids, visiting a few family members, shopping and taking in a few events, and working on the house and yard. How wonderful to just hang out with your kids, play in the sandbox (which we just built and it is HUGE), go swimming and enjoy each other. We are planning a trip this fall, but I like this vacation just as much as if we had spent tons of money and gone somewhere extravagant!

Diversification Gone Wrong
I was in my hometown yesterday visiting family and I happen to be reading one of those small daily's small cities have. I came across the "newly expanded" business of an old aquantance. She is a hair dresser with amazing talent and great ideas for her business. Her artistic talent with hair extends easily to interior design. This has brought her a long way as her salon was absolutely stunning last time I was there. Yet it was strangely quiet, even when other salons were booming... so what was the problem? Sadly, I think it attributes to her personality... she was an incredibly negative person (at least when I knew her). When working on your hair, normal chit-chat would turn to her putting down others, even friends and family of the person in her chair. It was disconcerting to say the least and I know more than one has moved to another hairdresser for that reason, though reluctantly because of her talent. So in order to make money she has chosen to diversify rather than fix what is wrong, improving herself.

Diversification isn't a bad thing, any strong business should always be looking for ways to improve in order to stay strong and current. I have seen this somewhat in my own field as well, doulas and educators diversifying to increase their income. Diversification has also answered the needs of a business in turning the focus from a primary service towards the deversified service or product. For instance, a business primarily started to provide maternity clothing many have evolved very successfully into an infant clothing company or into providing specialized breastfeeding services and products. This isn't an easy shift however and needs to be done very carefully and with lots of forward vision and planning.

My own Mother Care has very successfully diversified both with services (providing childbirth education and postpartum support to round out doula services) and our international catalogue specifically for birth professionals was the answer to many who couldn't find the products we made or carried in Canada. These were all in our primary vision and initial business plan, however we streamlined when we answered the need for quality training workshops in Western Canada and sold the catalogue to better focus on this.

All businesses should start up with a strong business plan and have the market research showing the need of that business's product or service in the area. Without either, or preferrably both, the business owners are unable to address the needs of their potential customers because they don't know how to reach those customers. Sadly, most businesses choose to diversify because of lack of income because of this, which only strains the business financially and doesn't address the initial problem.

This is especially so when you see a business diversifying into products or services far removed from a business's initial business plan. When you see this, you know that either the need isn't there or that business owner is not addressing key internal issues. This type of diversification will only confuse customers and take away from the entepreneur's vision and focus... which is never good. Take the salon I mentioned above. My aquantance above has diversified into "adult" products which are a loong stretch from the cutting edge hair salon it was. Not exactly what a high-end salon would have in their initial business plan. So it can be seen in doula businesses who have diversified into... say children's used clothing or nanny services. Either the planning wasn't right or there is a problem within.. like the business owner is not addressing her clients needs. Choose wisely when purchasing services, especially when they are as important as self-esteem (hairdressing) or birthing (doula services).

Friends
I was talking to a friend of mine today. She is soo amazing, we have so much in common beyond our each having four children (though hers are grown). We were talking about her work, she is the writer for Capital Health's CEO. One of our shared passions is reading and she is finding she doesn't even like reading anymore, she is tired of words. Tired of the many words she is expected to write when it would take so few to explain what needed saying. "Just get to the point," she exclaimed in frustration as we talked. Yet it is like this in anything political... the many words that are used to flower the most basic of premises. So we moved on in our conversation to our children (and her grandchildren) and our other projects, like the show home they are building (her husband owns a building company) and how my yard is taking shape (she loves my landscaping ideas and wants me to design the new show home's front yard). But then that isn't new, my previous neighbours begged me to help design their yards too after seeing mine. Hm, maybe that will be my backup occupation when I grow tired of the incredible politics of modern medicine...

My Cup Overflows
I am not sure if it is my emerging availability now that Breanna is old enough for me to confidently support mothers or if it is my now looking at doula work as a positive in my life after all the negative of the last two and a half years, but I am suddenly getting calls from potential clients, and I have not announced my working again. I can only think that my working with the wonderful doulas in Lloydminster through successfully running the Lloydminster Doula Association is having some impact, even though none of my clients came through their referral system. I have chosen not to be on the list due to the fact that the other doulas are working towards certification, so I want them to be able to gain their births quickly. If they need support, I am always there to mentor them anyway.

I am excited again about my work! I now have clients in August, September, December, January and February, and another potential client emailed me this morning. Not all of them are in Lloydminster, but it is a huge increase from the one or two a year I have supported since I stopped doing doula work full-time in 2000 when I had Brendan. Only one of the births I attended has been in Lloydminster, so I am excited to get to know the staff better at the Lloyd. hospital. I know how incredibly busy they are, each time we attend a birth there we see the stress the nurses are under and are told repeatedly how important our support is for birthing mothers. Of all the hospitals I have worked, the nurses in Lloyd are the most overworked by far. They need our help as much as our clients do!

Prenatal Classes
I have taught prenatal classes on and off for years and have attended a fair number as well, both as a pregnant mom and as a doula. I have always taught with the belief that expectant parents should come to classes with at least a working knowledge of pregnancy and birth found in Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn or a similar book. Then I teach from that point, providing classes that go beyond the basics, allowing personal growth in both mother and father which will give them both skills from which to build on through their labour and parenting experience.

Given that, it continues to astound me that instructors believe they can actually teach what a mother needs in as few as one or two classes. A friend of mine just attended a weekend series held by the local health unit (as part of her certification requirements) and came away shaking her head. Everything covered could easily have been learned from one of the many birth books out there... and most of the books did a better job. I am not saying the nurses are bad teachers, they are amazing women who are constrained both by time and restrictions placed on them by their supervisors and local doctors. They do a great job with what they are given.

More intriguing to me is independent instructors who have the time, resources and lack of supervisory constraints who teach the same way. Where they could be covering important information not found elsewhere (and any experience doula or educator truly knows what I mean when it comes to the vital importance of fetal positioning and mental preparation for childbirth), they instead resort to the droll basics such as labour progression, cervical dilation and what to bring to the hospital. This is the most basic of information and in covering this the instructor is leaving no room for the stuff parents seek out independent instructors for... how to truly experience labour on their own terms. Today I was looking at the online class outline of a doula (who is also teaching classes) and informed consent wasn't even covered - nothing is more important as a basis for childbirth education!

To prove my point, the Lloydminster Doula Association's last Parent Education Night was such a success, I can't wait to see the growth of future Nights. One expectant mother came away from that single night saying she learned more in those two hours than she had during her entire four week prenatal class series. If that isn't a testament to providing knowledge beyond the basics, I don't know what is. You go LDA!!

Thanksgiving
Yes I realize that thanksgiving isn't until October (November for our friends to the south), yet I have been reflecting today on the wealth I feel right now. Most significantly is a wonderful husband who is my lifemate and the closest friend I could imagine in someone of the opposite gender. Together we have three amazing sons, each so incredible in their own right, and a beautiful daughter who's eyes melt everyone who gazes into them.

My husband, the wise and frugal man he is, has allowed our family a full-time mother which is sadly a rarity in today's society of dual incomes. Not only that, he supports me and my business which does help with the income - providing the main transportation of our family - and allows me to fulfil my own calling to support pregnant and new mothers. The time commitment is minimal which allows plenty of time to focus on my families needs... which of course is my first priority.

Materially, I absolutely adore our new house. It is a 1600 sq ft 2-storey with soon-to-be four bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths (we are working on the basement). Brazilian cherry hardwood throughout the main floor, huge bedrooms and all new appliances (stainless steel is soo kewl). We also were able to purchase a couch/loveseat/recliner which matches perfectly with countertops and the tile on the fireplace. Breanna's new "toy" is the front-load washer which she loves to watch turn. Who would have thought of the entertainment value of a washing machine! The boys and Allan just finished the new deck and the landscapers have been busy all day, the yard is looking beautiful. Next week they will return to finish the backyard with the huge sandbox and stone patio off the deck. I can't wait to get the pond fish from our previous home into one of the two ponds we are working on.

God has indeed blessed me abundantly!

Epilepsy
I was reading the Game Cube insert for the new game the boys purchased today with Ryan's birthday money. It explained the risks of Epileptic seizures caused by the flashing lights of the game. The description brought back the memory of Eric when he would have what is termed absence seizures in which he would simply stop moving. What started out as infinitesimally brief pauses, which I attributed to being in thought and not responding, gradually grew to a minute long. I would look deep into his beautiful blue eyes and see the vacuousness combined with a slight twitch which characterizes epilepsy. To see the eyes of your child, bright with curiousity, budding knowledge and love go cold and empty gripped my heart. He would stop mid-sentence or mid-stride, his gait slowing quickly to a stop (he never fell) and he would be as a statue until the seizure was over. Homeschooling was incredibly difficult because he would have to re-read or listen to the same sentence several times in order to understand thanks to one or more seizures during that time. I would hold him tight and sometimes even cry until the seizure was over. It has been 2 1/2 years since he was diagnosed and today he is off his medication and seizure free. I pray I will never see that look in my son's eyes again and thankful that his epilepsy was successfully treated.

Hemispheric Dominance and Sensory Preference
In my quest for continual improvement, both personally and professionally, I took the quiz brain.exe, at: www.tangischools.org/scho...ayfour.htm and found results interesting:

left brain: 52.2%
right brain: 47.8%
auditory: 30.8%
visual: 69.2%

I new that I was a visual learner, my husband can attest to my being auditorially challenged in that I don't take orders/advice/input/fill-in-the-blank well. However the left/right brain surprised me because when I took a similar test a few years ago I was much more a right-brain person. It goes to show that you do improve with age! The comments from the results were:

You exhibit balanced hemispheric dominance and a strong visual preference. It is the intensity of your sensory preference which may more determine your learning style.

The balance of left- and right-hemisphere usage is very helpful to a highly visual learner. You absorb your environment, selecting out details and simultaneously ebedding them in a context, an overall perspective which adds nuances of meaning. Given the prodigious rate that you input information, you naturally utilize the services of both hemispheres more or less equally.

You are active and searching, which produces energy. Because you can process multiple inputs comfortably, you do not experience the indecision of a person with mixed sensory preference. You are able to focus on more than one aspect of a situation and push for resoulution.

You can tolerate ambiguity, which is good, since you will experience a lot it due to your input style. While a part of you will always seek completion, the other part accepts the process as it is. You may occasionally get impatient with yourself. You will always be able to work thorugh problems in a logical sequence or given order, but you will have other options available to you as well.

You may find that you have insufficient time to reflect on your experiences and thus lose a sense of meaning, not appreciating your “inner being” as much as you might otherwise.

Many people would envy your combination of characteristics. Constantly seeking stimulation, you are artistic without needing to be “odd.” An active learner and yet reasonably logical and disciplined.

Take the test today and learn about your learning style. It will help you in improving knowledge retention and knowing what learning style is best for you. Have fun!

Fatigue
I had no idea how much fatigue plays a role in parenthood. It is truly the great equalizer and I now can truly agree with it's potent abilities when used to find truths from war prisoners. I have not slept one complete night since my four-year old son was born, with 2 1/2 of those years sleep not being more than two hours at a time. Add a one-year old to the mix, who likely would sleep through the night if her brother didn't wake her at least once, and who does not go back to sleep once awakened... well you get the picture.

I am astounded at how fatigue not only affects your mental capacities, making you want to crave a vertical position at every possible moment, but how it affects your physical health as well. I am able to keep on a good functioning level with brief naps thanks to my older two sons, who's night sleep I protect as much as I can. Unfortunately, my husband who's sleep apnea prevents him from being a larger role in this, is also suffering because when I am woken, so is he.

Having four kids is not a walk in the park, I realize that. But it brings me to tears to even think about adding more to our family - something we have not seriously considered anyway. At 3 am this morning, when my littlest finally was asleep after her brother woke her at 1:30, I was in awe at my friends with "high order" children, one with 12 and one with 13. Do they ever sleep? How do they keep their sanity when all about them are sleepless?