I have long wanted to sit and blog but I have barely been able to answer email, nevermind journal in my blog. Suffice is to say I have had a very exciting November! Two workshops and the ICAN executive board retreat in Salt Lake City have filled my weekends. Working on large chunks of the ICAN Chapter Leader Accreditation program and my book, a childbirth education manual, and homeschooling have filled my weeks. The manual will be published through a large Canadian textbook company for GBI (the Global Birth Institute).

I love what I do and it keeps me working at a fast pace during the day and dreaming of my projects at night. The boys (Eric and Ryan) are thriving this homeschool year and making great friendships in our new community. Brendan is eager to start school so he is learning colours and counting while Breanna keeps everyone on our toes with her exploration.

My next client couple are close friends and will be birthing at the Stony Plain Birth Centre which is less than five minutes from my house. As the only birth center in Alberta, it is such a joy to work with the midwives (one of whom was my midwife for my third birth), nurses and Dr. Stonehawker who co-founded the center. He is a long-time member of our new church where I have been working with new mothers in a weekly new mom's group. My work and our family continues to be blessed with each new day!

Summer Lover
I was perusing my favorite TV Channel's website, HGTV.ca. I don't get time to sit and watch TV until winter's cold comes, so I was checking out any new information online. I took a neat little "What is Your Signature Season" poll and the answer confirmed my belief:

Summer lover.

You love warmth, being outside and being active. Once the weather starts to chill, you have a tendancy to hybernate.

Heat is your strength, so when the temperature drops, take up activities that keep you warm: Join an indoor tennis, soccer or squash league. Treat yourself to a monthly spa treatment—try a Temaczal treatment in a heated chamber, or do an at-home treatment with a colour therapy bath — get bath oils in yellow or red, your strength hues.

In the middle of winter, make an indoor miniature greenhouse of herbs, teas or your favourite flowers. Host an indoor picnic party by buying large billowy plants, and putting down a cozy plaid blanket, then serve up potato salad (comforting yet summer food!) and mini sandwiches. Light a fire and make s'mores on a Friday night, make a beautiful fruit salad every Sunday morning or a glass fresh-squeezed lemonade on a Saturday afternoon.

Never Violence
I happened across this wonderful story a couple of weeks ago...

Never Violence
a story told by Astrid Lindgren
[Author of Pippi Longstocking]

"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In
1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for
her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following
story.
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told
me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't
believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch
pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day
when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt
warranted a spanking--the first of his life. And she told him that
he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him
with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was
crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's
a rock that you can throw at me."

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from
the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then
it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do
it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they
both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to
remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I
think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the
nursery--one can raise children into violence."

I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's
point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children
other than what we think we're teaching them.

Published by permission of Saltkrakan AB, Lidingoe, Sweden, owner of
all copyrights to Astrid Lindgren's works.

In reflecting on this story, I too thought I would find such a rock as this and as I was looking I also finished setting the rocks around our front pond. The rocks came from the farm I grew up on, where I learned life's lessons and occasionally felt a belt across my backside. As I reflected on my parenting skills, my youngest son joined me and we patiently moved the rocks and adjusted them just right.

As we neared completion, Brendan stood up and said he had found a heart rock. Sure enough, there was a beautful reddish rock in his hand in the vague shape of a heart. I could not have found a more perfect rock, and how beautiful that it should come from my most challenging of children. I have told my mother on more than one occasion that I was blessed with Brendan to teach me patience as he has indeed stretched me to my limits on numerous occasions. It is in that stretching that I grew, but it is also in that stretching that I have spanked when I knew I shouldn't. Brendan's heart rock sits proudly in my kitchen window, to remind me each day to allow myself to stretch without lashing back at my little ones.

A funny thing happened on the way to church this morning. As usual, I was heading out early to circumvent any problems that are often encountered as we prepare for any outing with four children such as lost shoes and forgotten jackets or books. Things were going very smoothly as Brendan, Ryan and Eric were already out the door and I was just shoeing Breanna before we left, with plenty of time to spare.

As he was waiting, Brendan was perched on a rock by our front pond looking at the fish when his arms started to wave and... yes you are right, he fell in. Given that it isn't a large pond and his agility, he fortunately landed on his feet. Yet, wet up to his knees and wearing his only shoes, we had to do a quick change into dry pants, socks and now sandals before leaving. We still made it on time and didn't miss a word of Cowboy Randy's Sunday School intro!

Speaking of Cowboy Randy, we are truly enjoying our new church, Immanuel Lutheran Church of Rosenthal, southwest of Stony Plain. Cowboy Randy heads up the Sunday School team and the boys are loving both him and their teachers. Sunday School is held all but the first Sunday of each month, when all the children join their families during service. I am also excited about the New Moms program initiated by this church and the far reaching impact it has in bringing mothers from the whole county and even from Edmonton. Ruth and I will be working together in supporting these mothers and I will meet these mothers as I get to know Immanuel's members better over the next few weeks. I am feeling strongly about proposing my Christian prenatal classes to the church board as I had so successfully done in Camrose at Messiah Lutheran.

Beloved Chairs
Do you have or remember a wonderfully cosy chair that you loved to spend time in? We drove past the local dump today and I pictured in my mind the recliner we left at a very similar dump back in Lloydminster. It brought back memories of just that type of recliner, given to us by a wonderful neighbour in Camrose when I was pregnant with Eric. It was my safe haven at the end of long workdays spent on my feet managing a local camera store. I would curl up in it after supper was made and often slept there before I crawled into bed, it is amazing how much extra sleep a pregnant mother needs!

I also found that chair a wonderful place to breastfeed and cuddle my first two newborns. Later, I also came to curse it because of it being the reason Eric was posterior which lead directly to my first cesarean, though it was long after his birth that I learned of the correlation. It was also after it became the "trick chair" which lay harboured in our basement awaiting it's next "victim" who inadvertently sat in it to be thrown back far enough to feel as if it was falling backwards. It never did, but the boys found it a wonderful place to bring those who didn't know of it's penchant to lean too far backward, likely caused by those same boys.

Bittersweet
My brother-in-law, a wonderful and kind man who we can all learn a lesson in patience from, has been asked by our Lord to join Him. His immediate family will be taking him off of life support today as soon as his oldest two children join them from Montreal and Halifax.

Death is hard in that we know it will be a time before we meet that person again in heaven. Yet it is also a celebration when you know a person who as kind and generous and as strongly Christian as my brother-in-law has gone to meet our Lord. No more suffering and worry and stress, only celebration. We will miss you greatly, our journey in this world was made far better because of you.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. Starting with Allan's holidays, we had a wonderful time with just the right mix of vacation and visiting family. While we were gone our builder put the final finish on our cherry hardwood floors, a wonderful gift to come home to.

Sadly, the finish "fish eyed" which basically means that it looked splotchy, something no one expected. The only way to remedy it, however, was to completely refinish it. We had anticipated having it done closer to Christmas but our builder called and said he could do it last week, so the kids and I packed up again and headed off to my parents farm for three more days, leaving Allan behind to live around the refinishers as he came and went to work.

We had a glorious time with my parents and my sister's family and returned home to the most amazing floors, they were perfect. The dust covering every surface took a few hours to remove, but my house is so clean now.

Monday we recieved a call that our brother-in-law had a bad heart attack and was in the hospital. They fear he suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen before the ambulance arrived, despite Allan's sister (his wife) giving him CPR. We waited until yesterday to visit, hoping he would be awake, but he is still under sedation. Today he is having a cat scan, so we are awaiting to hear more. Meanwhile, Eric stepped on a piece of glass which I couldn't remove Monday evening so we spent a "wonderful" three hours in the Stoney Plain hospital, but we met several great nurses and the ER doctor was fabulous.

We have been homeschooling amid it all, the boys are loving their new math curriculum and are enjoying returning to formal learning.

Abdominal Massage
I am continually learning. I am like a sponge, seeking more information from every avenue and I absolutely love the adventure. For instance, I learned of the value of homeopathy from my midwife during my third pregnancy. When I felt the benefits personally during labour and the incredibly fast recovery from a cesarean with arnica, I dove in and self-taught all about what homeopathy was, its benefits during the perinatal period and the wonderful benefits to my family. But enough on that subject...

A few days ago I learned of an exciting massage called Maya Abdominal Massage. I had heard of the Mexican midwives doing “la sobada”, or abdominal massage, during pregnancy as a regular course of care. But I knew nothing, like the benefits or even the reasoning beyond a wonderful and relaxing massage for mom and baby.

Maya Abdominal Massage goes far beyond relaxation, and thus my excitement. The massage is centered around the ancient Mayan technique which repositions organs that have dropped and restricted the flow of blood, lymph, nerve and chi energy. For women, that means optimal positioning of her "center" which is her uterus.

Let me back up a bit. Before my first pregnancy, I was told I had a tilted uterus. I was lead to believe it was a problem, yet nothing was explained to me and modern medicine has no "cure" for this. Now I am learning that some of the medical concerns I have had in the past are directly related to this. You see, when it tilted to any side, it can "constrict normal flow of blood and lymph, and disrupt nerve connections. Just a few extra ounces sitting on blood and lymph vessels can cause havoc throughout the different systems in the body." (excerpted from Healing Wombs: Maya Abdominal Massage)

Rosita Arvigo, a Chicago naprapath, spent the last several decades in Central America, where she has studied with dozens of traditional healers and midwives, the most notable of whom was Don Elijio Panti, the renowned Maya shaman of Belize. Arvigo says 90% of women will have a misplaced or tipped uterus at some point in their lives. The causes include difficult labor and delivery with prolonged periods of pushing; poor professional care during pregnancy, labor and delivery; repeated pregnancies close together; falls to the sacrum; a career in aerobics or high impact sports and dancing; wearing high heel shoes; poor alignment of the pelvic bones with the spinal column; chronic muscle spasms around the hips, low back and sacrum; carrying young children on the hip for prolonged periods of time; rape, sexual abuse or incest at any time in life; chronic constipation; running or working on cement surfaces with improper foot support; and errors committed during surgery that cut through uterine ligaments.

I started out with a tilted uterus, how did that relate to my subsequent reproduction? Here are the symptoms of a tilted uterus:
• Painful or irregular periods
• Dark thick fluids at the beginning and end of the period
• Blood clots
• No menstruation at all
• Headaches, especially with the period
• Dizziness with the period
• Varicose veins
• Tired legs, numb feet or sore heals
• Lower back ache
• Infertility
• Endometriosis
• Endometritis
• Uterine Polyps
• Painful intercourse
• PMS
• Uterine infections
• Frequent urination
• Ovarian cysts
• Vaginitis
• Hormonal imbalances
• Difficult pregnancy and delivery
• Weak newborn infants
• Premature deliveries
• Difficult menopause
• Cancer of the cervix, uterus, colon or bladder

It can also lead to cesarean section, which I had three of, and I have had more than my share of the above symptoms in the last 12 years, including infertility, an ovarian cyst, lower back ache, tired legs and more. I learned it is incredibly useful for post-cesarean mothers in reducing the adhesions.

I am excited to say that I have found two practitioners in Edmonton who do this type of massage, one taught by Dr. Arvigo herself. For more information, check out www.arvigomassage.com.

Ancient Goddesses
I took a test today to see which goddess I was most like. I find the study of ancient greek and roman gods and goddesses intriguing as they are so much a part of our biblical history and impacted our lifespan as humans on this earth incredibly. The answer was very interesting, for me at least...

You scored 33.3% Athena
If you are ruled by Athena, you are bright-eyed, shrewd, resourceful and inventive. With friends, you are the wise counselor -- always ready with an empowering message. You are believe strongly that women can accomplish anything men can. No wonder you put so much time into your career. Athena women tend to be ruled by their head, not by their heart. You carefully guard your intimate side, protecting your emotions and vulnerability. If you want to awaken your unexpressed womanliness, you'll have to use the same passion you apply to your intellectual achievements. It's important that you work to integrate your strong masculine side with your feminine side -- bringing together your strength with your vulnerability, your creativity with caring, your intelligence with imagination. Otherwise, you risk coming off as unaffectionate and self-righteous.

You scored 33.3% Persephone
If you exemplify the qualities of Persephone, you have most likely experienced great loss in your life -- the loss of your health or your emotional or physical security, the betrayal of a friend or lover, the loss of a child, your own divorce or that of your parents. This experience has forced you to face the dark, unenlightened side of yourself (the side that blames other people or circumstances for your own suffering) and transform yourself into a stronger, more independent, more accepting and more loving person. It may have also led you down a spiritual path, and moved you to place great emphasis on inner calm and on close connections with friends. You are capable of embracing, integrating and accepting difficult experiences. Because of that skill, you offer others the gift of empathy -- you know where they are or have been.

Thank you Dr. Ninian for the traumatic birth experiences that allowed me to grow and transform into who I am today. Without those experiences, I most certainly would not be where I am today. Take the test yourself if you are interested, http://www.women.com/.

Frustration
Today, in hindsight, I find it amusing. Yesterday I was in sheer frustration over the expectations placed on me by my husband... or maybe it was the expectations I think he is placing on me. It started with a long talk about his stress levels and how they impacted our family and specifically our children. I wanted to discuss them with him to see if he saw his short temper and orders were concern to him as it was to myself. I also wanted to see what I could do to help alleviate some of the stressors in his life.

Everyone knows that moving is a significant stress maker, all psychologists will list this as one of the highest stress events in a persons life. That coupled with working in a newly relocated store has certainly elevated his stress levels. Those ones were obvious... I was looking for ones I could do something about.

Certainly having four children and their need and want for parental involvement and supervision in everything from playing a board game to altercations was high on the list. Balancing the need to finishing our yard, deck, basement and insulating the garage before winter with time with family also weighed heavily. Financial concerns are always on his mind as well, raising four children isn't easy.

Then came the ones I wanted to hear... or did I. He cited the work-in-progress sewing I have been doing since shortly after we moved. He mentioned the sinking sod alongside our house that needs to be attended to before the sod established, and the unfinished edging still to be installed. He then added that I spend too much time on the computer, which has long been a sore point between us. He knows I haven't played a computer game in years as most of my computer time is taken with business related work such as my book as well as my non-profit volunteer work with ICAN and the Lloydminster Doula Association. Even then, if I even spend an hour on the computer I call myself lucky. I won't contrast that with the hours he spends playing Civilization...

In my oh-so-brilliant belief that I could do something, I was envisioning solving his problems. So let's look at this shall we? I wake up at 7 am... on a good day. It can be as early as 5 depending on the two little ones and when they wake. I make meals, lunch for Allan, parent my four children almost exlusively (with all that entails), do laundry (every day), clean (no small task with four busy bodies), and delegate/followup on the kids' cleaning chores. I run my business from home so that involves email, phone, meetings, and errands. I also do the errands and the requests Allan has asked of me (and not always getting them done, another sore point he mentioned).

Today I have to pick up a parcel, thread for the sheers, and check lottery tickets... the rest was phone calls, all done this morning. Breanna's naptime is when I "work" - as in sewing, yardwork, basement. Right now I am running electrical to do as much prep for the electrician as I can. This morning I fixed the low spots by the house, after lunch I put in the remaining edging (yay!). The king size duvet cover I am sewing is half done, I hope to finish it today as well.. barring the zipper giving me a problem. As soon as Breanna wakes I have to run the recycling to the depot. Oh, I almost forgot, when we return, I need to supervise three bathroom cleanings.

That does not include updating the LDA website about their grand opening in October and helping plan upcoming Parent Education Nights, finishing the CDA website updates, calling Revenue Canada for ICAN/CIIA Canada's charity status information, calling two clients (one returned from holidays today), and of course my book. I think I forgot something... oh well, I am sure it will come to me before I drop into bed around 11 pm.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I do, parenting my kids full time and the work I do, both with my business and volunteer. But it begs the question... it HAS to be easier to go to work for 9 hours, come home to a hot meal, even if a bit stressful with four children, and play an hour or so of Animal Crossing with the boys before bed.... right? Maybe I shouldn't be so worried about Allan's stress and let him find the answers for himself.

PS. I know I should not be so facetious, but only with finding the humour in it all can I not get frustrated. I did remember what I forgot though, to bring a stack of Birth Issues to the local library and pack the new MCI booklets (the parcel I picked up) for the Canadian ICAN chapters so I can send them out first thing Monday. Oh and the boxes we need to move downstairs after cleaning out the garage yesterday are still sitting in my entry too. I had better go!

Copyrights and Plagiarizm
I have found many instances in my professional life where I have not fully understood copyright and plagiarizm. I gave myself a primer on the Canadian Copyright Act and reflection on the meaning of plagiarism recently, learn with me.

Ownership of Copyright: Subject to this Act, the author of a work shall be the first owner of the copyright therein. R.S., 1985, c. C-42, s. 13; 1997, c. 24, s. 10.

Term of Coyright: The term for which copyright shall subsist shall, except as otherwise expressly provided by this Act, be the life of the author, the remainder of the calendar year in which the author dies, and a period of fifty years following the end of that calendar year. R.S., 1985, c. C-42, s. 6; 1993, c. 44, s. 58.

Plagiarizm (from Webster's 1913 dictionary) is: \Pla"gia*rize\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. {Plagiarized}; p.pr. & vb. n. {Plagiarizing}.]To steal or purloin from the writings of another; to appropriate without due acknowledgement (the ideas or expressions of another).

An apology

This is to a former friend, you know who you are.

I know we have not talked for a long time in person or even on the phone. I find it difficult given the emotions I feel when I hear your voice, I think you understand. We have been through a lot since that fateful day when we first met, both excited about my move to Lloydminster and our collaboration to promote doulas in a town where you were the first.

I still grieve our lost friendship, we have a lot in common you and I. I sometimes think our shared hubris are what finally tore our friendship apart. You had started promoting doulas within Lloydminster and here I came with an established business to infringe on your work.

I know our communication skills could have been much better, we both assumed much and in doing so made some grave errors. For my assuming more than I should have, I am sorry.

I had an assumption that we could work cooperatively. What a difference we could have made if we each promoted on our own, so for that I am sorry for asking you to join our Mother Care team.

I assumed you understood our contract. I never meant to mislead you in any way and if you feel I did, then I am sorry. I explained our contract to you just as I did to all the other contracted Mother Care doulas and obviously I and our contract didn't do an adequate enough job in outlining our roles.

I am sorry that I gave you more liberations than I normally would any other contracted doula. We both knew I would not be living in Lloydminster long and my hope was to leave you as a strong, well organized and busy referral coordinator for Mother Care, just as I was able to leave Katelyn as our local referral coordinator in Camrose.

I am sorry that I didn't pull the belly cast kits from Blooming Gals. I know you now realize that some women would rather do their own belly cast, just as I did, and I too was focused on meeting those mother's needs, as I always have been. I didn't realize that you didn't understand that at the time.

As your mentor, I did you a disservice in not explaining professional relationships as well as I could have. I incorreclty believed your DONA training gave you that knowledge. For that I am sorry.

I am sorry I filed a grievance with DONA. I felt strongly at the time that you needed to be accountable to someone, even if only your certification organization. I had chosen not to press charges simply because I knew the outcome would not satisfy either of us and would cost us both money better spent on our families and businesses. I thought this would be a better option. I was wrong.

Your enthusiasm was amazing, you reminded me of myself when I first started Mother Care. I truly hope you have moved on with a positive frame of mind. I know I have, though sadly because of the broken bridges left behind.

Tragedy
Three weeks ago one of the assistant managers that worked alongside Allan had a motorcycle accident. He had just purchased a new machine hours earlier and for some reason he lost control and hit a grocery store window next to his apartment building before careening across a highway and into a cemetery. No one knows why he wasn't wearing his helmet or what really led up to his hitting the window, but he has been in a drug-induced coma as they let his brain heal since that awful day. They have tried several times to pull him out of the coma, but each time his intracranial pressure rose too much and they would have to stop. This week they have been very slowly reducing his meds, which had been working until last night. He had a stroke and died shortly after, he was 24 years old.

Allan went into work early today, called in to help the staff as they learn of Brian's death and to help keep the store running while the other managers grieve as well. He is also hoping to get a memorial organized for the store, as Brian will likely be buried in BC where he grew up and his family resides.

Death is never easy, but when death happens so young it is doubly difficult. Parents should never outlive their parents, but it happens too frequently. I cannot imagine losing one of my own children. I have been thinking a lot today about my former employer whose daughter died in a vehicle rollover when riding with friends several years ago. She was only sixteen and her death devastated her parents. I pray for strength for Brian's parents as they grieve their young son's death.

Sewing
I have been sewing a lot since we moved in to our new house in May. It has become a ritual with each new home we purchase, to make the drapes, valances, pillows, shams, and whatever else we need to change to fit with the latest house's decor. It is almost a bonding with our new home as we go from "open concept" (in this case meaning a view of our neighbourhood beyond the unshuttered windows) to our concluded cocoon of drapery fabrics and blinds, which allows us to view our neighbourhood when we wish.

Today I am finishing up the many valances that coordinate our main floor living space. They are of the same material as the living room drapes, the first project to be completed when we moved in. We found beautiful fabrics to coordinate with the drape material and our new sofas for pillows. I have made to huge floor pillows as well, a great place for the constant overflow of children we have at our house. Our bedroom is looking amazing, I have finished the drapes, bed skirt, pillow shams and three wonderful comfy pillows to read or watch TV in bed with. The only thing left is the duvet cover and I am finished. Just in time as we prepare for the school year ahead.

I find sewing very cathartic. Since I have done it all my life, it takes little thought beyond the initial planning, thus allowing me the ability to think and dream and reflect. I have been focused lately on the upcoming year as we plan school and my stream of workshops this fall and next spring. Everything is close to ready, including the new Childbirth Educator manual I am authoring for the Global Birth Institute. Exciting days ahead!

Ethics
I recieved a call from wonderfully ambitious doula who is a friend of mine. She, along five other doulas, have spent countless hours putting together and promoting a non-profit doula organization designed to promote and refer doula services within her city and surrounding areas. They have incorporated as a non-profit within their province, opened an office where they can meet clients and teach them, and pooled their resources to further the doula profession very professionally.

In conversation she told me that a doula in her area, who is not part of this group, has chosen to take their idea, rename it and start her own referral business.

My friend is not bothered at all with what this doula is doing, beyond the concern that she is giving doulas a less-than-reputable name. We both believe that the more doulas available to support women, the better off the community.

This doula has chosen not to work cooperatively with other professional doulas in her city, and that is fine. My heart goes out to her as she struggles to promote herself given the name she has made for herself as being strange and in-your-face. Marketing to expectant parents takes certain finesse, a give and take that builds trust... a vital component in a doula/client relationship. She has told potential clients about her being the only doula in the city, which is obviously not true and she is well aware of that. This only confuses potential clients and instantly builds distrust. I wonder what she is thinking as she continues along this route. She would do well to explore ethics in her future business plans.

Toddler Musings
A toddler with a black felt marker or ball point pen is a force to be reckoned with. To take it away guarantees screams loud enough to wake the neighbours and to not take away means certain graffiti. Unbenounced to me, Breanna must have found a red pen and chose to autograph the new valances I have been sewing for our house. Thankfully it is a small mark, so it went untouched as I finished them on the table bearing much larger black felt marker prints, having missed the paper she had started on. I keep meaning to scrub them off, but I like the warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach when I see them and remember the look on her face when she had finished her artwork. I wonder how long it will take anyone else before they spot her valance art.

Feminism and Family Values
Growing up, feminism was a huge part of who I was. The thought of not having choices like we do today in the workforce was appauling. Women are in almost every profession today and we bring to those professions a lot of skills, knowledge and perspective which has improved those professions. Our foremothers gave us all a great gift which we often take for granted today.

However, have we taken it too far? Traditionally women were to stay home to raise, care for and teach the children. This paradym shifted with women entering the work force. Today our society is based on a two income family, making it increasingly difficult for single income families to make ends meet. With two working parents, children are now being raised by daycares and schools rather than their own parents. To make up for their absence, parents are spending more money on their children by sending them to better schools, enrolling them in extra-curricular activities, and giving them every toy and DVD on the market. Each of these takes even more time from family... at what cost?

Allan and I specifically chose to have each of our children. In making the concious decision to become a mother, I also was making the decision to switch my focus from career to family for the next 18 years with each child we had. To me, having children means parenting them fully, not just when convenient or in the precious few hours between work hours and sleep. Allan and I both agreed that a full-time parent was integral to our having children and we have often discussed who should fulfill that role. At first it was him, but in the end we decided I was the one to stay at home, where I still am today.

A quandry I often face in today's society is how full time parents are viewed. If you are not a supermom/dad (juggling work and family) you are somehow a lesser person. Points go to parents who quickly add that they homeschool, yet even that doesn't equal a working parents status. I see those who work so hard they have nothing left to bring home to their children and I see children who act out to seek attention. I see overworked mothers who burn out, adrenals overworked and health ignored while they struggle to do it all. Depression is found everywhere, overworked working parents, full-time parents who feel second-class, kids who need more... where does it stop?

Life's Path
I attended our Kingman School reunion this past weekend. Kingman is my home, I grew up just north of this small hamlet on my parents farm. The school was a part of my life until it was reduced to an elementary school at the end of my eight grade. In thinking about the influence those years have had on my life in the past few weeks, the reflective journey has been enlightening. I remembered the friends I had, the teachers who shaped my education, and the experiences we all shared in those years. Our school was small, only 6 to 10 in each grade, we often shared a school room with one or more grades.

The reunion was a wonderful experience as we all caught up with each other's lives since we parted ways. I was surprised at how many I recognized, yet how a few have changed so dramatically I wouldn't have recognized them at all. One of my best friends told my husband of the time she accidentally lit my hair on fire in the bus. She put it out so quickly you couldn't even see where it was singed, but the lingering odour was not pleasant. It reminded me of the hot fall days branding cattle with my parents before we started cold branding.

We reminised about the countless hours we spent skating at the rink my Dad would flood every year for us. We laughed about the pranks we pulled on teachers, our principal was able to be there and he finally learned of some of them. He is amazing, he has changed so little and is so young at heart! He married late in life and has a beautiful 3 1/2 year old son who played with Brendan, our 4 year old, on the playground as we talked.

I found myself reflecting on my own life to date, remembering the youthful exuberance we all share as children, with the world out in front of us, our future an open book. My future is far different than I anticipated back then, yet every much as fulfilling as I had wanted. I wanted children and was blessed by four. I craved a career which I would love and I found that... because of my birth experiences. The two are much more intwined than I had anticipated, I am so blessed to be able to have both - the ability to be a full-time parent and enjoy my career.

I am also overjoyed that my classmates are all alive and healthy, though I continue to mourn the death of a classmates son with whom she was pregnant with in our final year in Kingman. She was all of sixteen when he was born, yet she was an amazing mother to him. He was in his early twenties when he died in a vehicle accident. I cannot imagine her pain in losing a child.

Finally, I have connected with a long-lost friend who has three children, all as beautiful and bright as she. Our kids all had a great time together at the reunion, off exploring the haunts we went to at their age. Our husbands also found a lot in common. We will be having a BBQ with them early next month and I can't wait to rekindle the kindred spirit we shared as children.

Past memories and the future an open book, I look forward to the next twenty years.

Animal Crossing
Who would have thought that a simple Nintendo GameCube game would improve my boy's reading and writing skills! I railed against the purchase of the GameCube and though I monitored the games they purchased, I had yet to find any of "value" beyond hand/eye coordination. However, I was soon to be mistaken that the GameCube is completely useless. Anyone who has boys knows they are notoriously not interested in the "art" of reading and writing. Rather they gravitate towards the large motor skill subjects like science and math manipulatives. However, recently Eric and Ryan pooled their birthday and work money (we don't give allowances, rather they earn their "income" from chores and attitude while doing them) and purchased the game Animal Crossing. During this game they learn quite a few life skills like budgeting, making money, investing, improving their community to attract neighbours, and communicating with the other residence of their community and other communities. The primary communication tool is reading and writing letters. I am now asked frequently what that specific word is (which we then sound out and usually discuss the uniqueness of the English language) and how to spell words as they send letters to each other and their neighbours. They are both reading much faster than they had previously and their spelling is improving daily. Even Brendan is really enjoying the game, it is truly amazing how strong children's memorization skills are who are not yet readers. Even he is "writing" letters, all gibberish, but fun to recieve anyway. Even Allan and I have joined in on the fun, each of us has our own "community" which they boys visit and we in turn visit theirs (the three boys live in the same community). What fun!

Wild Flowers
Every time we go on our bikes through the bike paths we see beautiful wild flowers everywhere. Thousands of white daisies, clover of every colour and alfalfa on it's tall stalks cover several acres along the trails and in ditches. How beautiful it is! What a contrast to the tumbleweeds in Lloydminster that would pile up against our eight foot fence so high they would allow many to tumble over into our yard. I long to stop and eat the flavourful clover blooms, I plan to on our next excursion. I would eat them by the tummy-full as a child, my mother taught us of the value of native plants. Next year this bare yard, slowly filling with plants and colour, will have many a native plant - thanks to the nurturing of my green thumb by my mother.