Having three sons, I was reading an article which piqued my interest called Wimps and Barbarians yesterday. My worst fear is my sons becoming either barbarians or wimps. My aim in homeschooling them has always been to bring them up as real men whom I will truly be proud of. I found myself agreeing with many points the author made on how today's boys have an appalling lack of male leadership combined with our societies tolerance of males who disrespect women and dishonouring men with thumos. Reading this also caused me to pause as I then wondered... what of my daughter? She is but a year old yet I have already started to prepare for her adolescence and teen years. My dream is that she may leave the fold a virtuous and discerning woman who will be able to make the right choice for a husband despite society's pressures to give away her virtue in the guise of protection through an out-of-marriage attachment. If you have a daughter, the accompaniment to the above article is Heather's Compromise.

A young man about 12 stopped by our house to sell chocolates for his school. I of course obliged, chocolate is most certainly a food group, right? I then started thinking about schools sending children out to raise funds for their programs. Sure, it is often extra-curricular programs, though sometimes funds are raised for an additional aid, computers or specific curricula. It made me question why on earth they would need to send small children out to raise money within the community when so much of our tax dollar is going to education. I then thought of the money our government allocated to homeschool parents to teach their children and fund their independent school boards... and how ironic that I would NEVER ask my friends or family to fund our homeschool efforts. I see teaching our children as a family responsibility and the few dollars the government provides us for curriculum a small fraction of what we spend on training our children. Hmm, come to think of it, how ironic to know that what we spend on municipal taxes specifically for education is far more than we receive back to educate our children at home! And we are indeed blessed in Alberta as our province is the only one which provides funding for homeschool education at all. Thank you for sharing with me one of the ironies that befell me today.

I experienced an absolutely wonderful weekend as we went to visit Allan's parents this weekend past. I have not always seen the strong woman who head's the Banack household as a friend, but it was only in the beginning when I didn't understand her. The more I grow to know her, the more I treasure up the wisdom she bestows upon me in my heart. Her frank nature sits well with me now as we are very similar in personality. When I was young and foolish (which I can easily say I still am at times now), I saw her as an adversary rather than a friend simply because I didn't understand her. How far I have come! My husband is sometimes embarrassed by the topics of our conversations (which are not discussed with him present, but as my life-mate he knows all). I truly cannot wait until our return closer to her and my own mother... to both grow closer to my mother-in-law and in regaining the rapport I had with my mother before my move here.

Well it is official, we are moving! Allan (my husband) has recieved a job transfer to the "Edmonton area", location not quite finalized yet, towards the end of May. I have been working non-stop the past two weeks in preparing our house for market and it has been wonderful seeing it come together and be so clean. Our basement will actually have a working bathroom early next week and Eric (our oldest son who resides across the hall from proposed bathroom) can't wait. I hope he enjoys the six weeks he can call it his.

The sign went up today and it is bittersweet to see it announcing to the world our impending departure. I can't say I loved Lloydminster, I have certainly learned a lot about trust and lack thereof while being here, but I have indeed made some great friends. I will certainly miss them and this beautiful home where our precious daughter was born in our kitchen. Now the impatience of waiting to find out where we will be "landing" in six short weeks is upon me as I stand at the ready and keep our house spotless (no easy feat with four kids) for viewings by prospective buyers.

Traditional vs allopathic medicine

Eric, our twelve year old son, had an ear infection last week. In my continued studies of homeopathy, he and I decided to treat it homeopathically combined with fresh breastmilk in his outer ear and a massage technique which drains the eustachian tubes. Homeopathy is a complex science, but the core of it's methodology is to enhance the signal to the body which triggers the body into a higher immune level, thus enhancing the bodies ability to fight off the infection. Breastmilk is a proven antibacterial and works well against infection. We had always used it for previous ear infections. The combined therapies were working well, though his body was taking it's time with the healing process. Yet my husband felt that this wasn't working quickly enough and feeling strongly that an ear infection would lead to permanent damage (very rare). I explained to him that regardless of the treatment it will take time to heal. Even if we chose to go to an allopathic doctor and used antibiotics, it would not speed the healing any more. But he would not hear of it so we went to the emergency department as there were no doctors available in any of the clinics for days. Four hours later we met a very tired and overworked Dr. Ryan who was very understanding, said that his infection was indeed minor and provided us with a prescription if we needed it. Eric decided to take it so we filled the prescription and he took the medicine faithfully along with acidophilus to counteract the negative side-effects antibiotics has. Indeed it was much better (no pain and only fluid related complaints) the next day, but he continued with the antibiotics as an uncompleted round of antibiotics is worse than none at all.

I find it frustrating that even my husband, who has learned along with me the risks of allopathic medicine and the benefits of traditional medicines, could so easily be scared into the belief that medicine is somehow superior. If he is, no wonder most people go to a doctor for every sneeze and sniffle, despite the growing trends of traditional methodology's. Personally, the only reason I would go to a doctor today is if I needed sutures or surgery. Ironically it is allopathic prophilactic measures and misdiagnosis that caused my four major surgeries (three cesareans and one gall-bladder-ectomy) and the only reasons I have ever been admitted to a hospital. But that is another rant for another day.

I have been thinking a lot about Cheryl's Blog on Monday, February 23, 2004 about adolescence and the ongoing discussion on a list we are list sisters on. Maturity is a very difficult thing to assess and stereotyping teens is doing them a grave disservice. Where one person may be very mature at 16, another won't be until 30!! There is a lot that goes into the dynamics of maturity, personality, responsibility given from parents, sibling placement and so forth so saying that a person needs "higher education" in order to be mature enough is foolhardy at best.

I married at 18 (just turned) to a 19 yo. We met six months prior and as we grew to know each other, we knew each other was mature enough and ready for marriage. That was outside of our almost instant rapport... we "clicked" and grew to love each other quickly. I was still in high school when we met, yet I am the eldest of three girls and grew up on a farm, which meant I did all that was required of any son on top of learning from my mother the duties of housekeeping, sewing and childcare. My husband however was the youngest of six and though that may lead to immaturity (baby syndrome), his strong choleric personality provided him with the determination and maturity of a man beyond his years. He already had his first year apprenticeship finished toward his autobody mechanic license and owned two vehicles. I am not saying we were "mature" in all senses as we continue to do so throughout life and through life experiences. However, we were both mature enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage, jobs and adult relationships.

If we learn to live within our means, even if that is less than what we hope our children to have, we learn frugality, strong budgeting skills and do without the extras our neighbour has which we covet. In choosing to raise our family on a single income, we have done without and have grown stronger as a family as a result. We don't need the extra TV (or TV at all), the convenient appliances, or the exciting "educational toys" that beep and blink which are touted today. We need each other and time with each other... all of these take away from that. I am not saying education is not important, it certainly is, but if it is in the way of other goals, then it too can be a detriment just as not enough income is.

I was reading the Summer 2003 issue of ICAN's Clarion today and in reading the cover article, I pondered the word Institution. The definition is, in part, [n] an establishment consisting of a building or complex of buildings where an organization for the promotion of some cause is situated and [n] a custom that for a long time has been an important feature of some group or society; "the institution of marriage"; "the institution of slavery"; "he had become an institution in the theater". Thus we would look at the word institution as being either a building or an important custom of sort for a specific group. In looking at the latter, the "institution" of midwifery would then be what females have found to be important during the birth process and obstetrics would be what males feel are important regarding the birth process. In looking at midwifery and obstetrics, I personally could not think of a polarized opposite if I tried!

Midwivery honours women, sees birth as a normal process women experience during their life and, traditionally, rarely interfere with the process. Rather they support the mother emotionally and physically as she goes through this life-changing experience. It is a rare indeed for anything to go wrong when the mother is healthy and not fearful of the process. Why should a woman not choose to birth at home, just as she eats at home, exercises at home (or at least not in an institution where she is monitored in case of a heart attack), and showers and voids in the privacy of her bathroom. If all of these are normal body processes, why should she go to a strange institution, be cared for primarily by strangers in uniform and beeping machines which reduce her mobility and assume specific positions to birth in with out consideration for her comfort or instinctive knowledge to assume a different position?

Obstetrics on the other hand views birth as a train-wreck waiting to happen. Fear is central to obstetrics and prophilactic interventions are extremely routine... it is very rare that at least one intervention is not used at some point during a woman's labour. Even the movement from home to hospital is an obstetric occurance because of the fears surrounding birth. Certainly there are situations where obstetrics is life-saving, but in a proven 95% of births, mothers can birth normally without a single intervention. But the current 100% intervention rate and 20-26% cesarean rate clearly demonstrates the obstetrical model of fear. So why would a woman knowingly put herself at greater risk by placing her life into the hands of this model of care? The only reason I can conclude with is lack of knowledge and assuming that because obstetrics is practiced in an institution, it by that very fact must somehow be safer. Will our society, so focused on institutions, ever see the truth of what we have done to women by institutionalizing birth? Will we blame ourselves for the skyrocketing maternal and fetal mortality and morbidity rates, knowing that they were caused by our blind trust in institutions?

I am one of the survivors, though I am thoroughly scarred by my institution experiences. Four babies I have carried in my womb, all but one cut from me in an ambiguous guise of vague reasons... failure to progress, cephalo pelvic disproportion... and all because of fear. Some on the part of the physician, some on my part, none of them necessary. Without fear and with trust I would have not become one of the institution's morbidity statistics. It was only when I learned of midwifery, and was able to once again trust my body to birth my babies normally (no easy feat, I can emphatically tell you) was I able to birth my daughter as my body was designed.

Our basement bath is nearing completion and I find myself pulled in so many directions. Do I paint it and get it ready for the flooring guys and plumber so that can be finished or do I finish the taxes that await on my to do pile? What about the book that sits unfinished, nearing it's May 30 deadline... or the teaching modules I am writing for a Edmonton based Guiding Parents that are now past due? Then there are the three huge and very exciting projects for ICAN I would love to be working on right now... but when?

And let us not forget "the" project that has taken up a bunch of my February, the Lloydminster Doula Association which will launch this week! This has been a true labour of love for me as I support the doulas in my area who truly want to provide professional services despite the roadblocks that we have to face. Sadly, it's not consumer apathy or negative hospital staff but rather a fellow doula who has intimidated all the doulas here so completely by her overbearing personality and alley cat territorialism. But enough space wasted on the negative, the nurses and everyone we have contacted are absolutely excited about our organization and the professionalism it will bring to this profession. We have filed as a non-profit corporation with Saskatchewan Justice and our website is up and getting rave reviews!

As I get to know the local doulas here, I am excited about their future as an extimated 700 births will take place this year. We have the support of many and have to prove ourselves to a few, but the future is bright indeed! I am excited too for the contribution of doula support to both birthing parents and L&D nurses who work so hard every day. By providing continuous support through labour and through the first hours after the birth, doulas provide an important aspect of care that frees nurses to fulfill their role as medical professionals. Nurses and doctors are then better focus on the medical care they provide. The more I work in the healthcare field, the more appreciation I have for the hard work nurses do every day.

Who invented taxes?! I so hate tax season only because of the accounting involved. It truly only takes a few hours as I have done business taxes for so many years, but I still dread it none-the-less. Thank goodness for Quickbooks!! A true life-saver for me as I have never liked accounting despite taking it for all three years in high school.

I am slowly catching up to the mountain of work awaiting me, the pile to be mailed grows ever larger as my projects complete one by one...

With Breanna sleeping contently in my arms I am finally finished my formal grievance against an archnemesis of mine. It is as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am sending it in tomorrow and can now focus on the other ten thousand projects I have waiting. It feels good to get all my concerns formally on paper and know that something will be done, even if it is a minor triumph. Regardless of the outcome, it was certainly a step in a positive direction which I feel very good about.

It has been one of those weeks all mothers can relate to. My precious 10 month old was quite sick all week and I am up to my shoulders in work, some now seriously overdue. I literally carried her non-stop all week, even while she was sleeping, because she would not sleep otherwise. Lying her down to nap or sleep at night was not an option as she would immediately wake and cry. So she slept in my arms instead, the least I could do for her! A high fever (never serious), lethargy, stuffed up, coughing... my poor little girl. Yesterday she was herself again and it was so wonderful to see her smile and laugh, and enjoy her Daddy time again. Now, please tell me how I can fit my whole weeks schedule into one day and get everything done? Ah the joys of motherhood.

I spent the weekend honing my marketing skills. I have a lot of knowledge regarding marketing from Mother Care and many other projects, yet I am always seeking new knowledge as no one is ever truly an expert are they? They may know something inside and out, but there is always more to learn. Learning is so exciting, especially when it is done with others! I have to find the time to get all of my thoughts down on paper and with Breanna not feeling well it is very tough.

I am writing this right now with her sleeping in my lap and my keyboard perched precariously at the edge of my desk! All night last night I slept curled up around her as she would not settle if I wasn't. I truly love to do that and cherished every moment last night even though I didn't get a lot of sleep. It's amazing how a mothers touch soothes all.

My heart is troubled as I sort through the myriad of doula organizations which have sprung up throughout the land. The hard part is explaining to inquiring minds why some are legitimately able to grant professional certification status and others are not. Three that can not I hold dear to my heart as they are incredibly excellent organizations and have done so much for doulas... yet have chosen not to become an accredited organization or in one case, a true non-profit which they claim to be. Yet for this reason I have chosen to align myself with an accredited one, the Global Birth Institute.

At three am this morning after getting up to cover Brendan and putting Breanna back to sleep I lay awake thinking about the wording in our upcoming press release. My mind wandered to Breanna's birth as she moved to touch me, needing to know I was there and fell back to sleep.

It is almost ten months since that miraculous night she was born and I am still amazed at how un-painful recovery was despite the tearing and skid marks she caused during her quick passage out and into Cathy's hands. I had assumed some involution pain and was anticipating similar or worse pain than I had experienced after the boys' births. Yet I had no involution discomfort at all, even when breastfeeding!

Then it hit me like a weight, I had not been given oxytocin after she was born! It is standard procedure to give oxytocin after baby is born via IM injection or into an IV (if Mom is unfortunate enough to have one) based on questionable studies showing reduced postpartum hemorrhage with this procedure. However at homebirths it is rarely done, given only when indicated. My midwife did ask if I would want a herbal equivalent given my history (there is an increased risk of placental complications if a mother has had a prior cesarean). Since my placenta had detached within three minutes of Breanna's birth, I declined, wanting to avoid any increased chance of increased involution pain. So once again my belief that routine interventions are rarely necessary and their side effects should be strongly considered when deciding on whether to use them or not.

My dear friend Crystal Sada said it best, "It's not that I dislike doctors or hospitals or even interventions. I dislike routine."

My first official blog... wow, new territory for me! I have kept a diary of sorts on my computer for eons... mostly as a tool in working through stressors and coming to terms with happenings in my life, but this is my first time going "public."

I am working on three very important birth related things in my life right now. ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) has been a part of my heart since entering my life after the birth of my second son when I was looking for answers to my cesarean births. I have been supporting them as Education Director and have great projects I am working on in that capacity. GBI (the Global Birth Institute) is where I spend so much time learning and working... in both attaining my GRPD certification and as their Program Director. Finally, the third one I am not quite ready to expose yet because we want to launch with a bang! We are almost ready, I am so excited. I can't wait to share this new project with the world... it is a long time coming but very much needed.