I have been thinking about this a lot lately, the dynamics of modern day families. Family togetherness is vitally important to me as I view the family as the first community, from which all relationships develop. A close-knit family teaches children the vital skills of communication, empathy, sharing, and... well, the skills needed to succeed in life.
I have always felt strongly about families being close, including eating together, spending quality time together, and working together. For me, this includes NOT having a TV in every room (where individuals can simply move to another TV set to find the programming they prefer), sharing bedrooms (why do we insist on separate bedrooms for our children when we as parents share a bedroom with or spouse?), and sitting down to share a meal together as much as possible for at least one meal a day. Oh and don't forget doing chores together, cooking together, sharing fewer great toys rather than many seldom-used toys, and playing together.
Well, in our house, things are getting a bit frustrating for me. It started with my learning that my husband is a TV-a-holic. In the almost 20 years since our wedding things have changed a bit, with me relaxing about TV watching and my husband watching less while being more discerning about what he watches. However, it really started to slide with the purchase of a second TV that was for our family room and would be for movies and Game Cube use only (no satellite receiver). I agreed, seeing it as a place we could go as a family and watch a show together with... and allowing me some peace from Game Cube play while working in the kitchen (right off the living room).
Fast forward to today where we have three TVs, a Game Cube, an X-Box (which I railed against to the bitter end because of the violence of the games for this system), and two computers (one a laptop). The worst allowance on my part in all of this was the family room TV moving to our room when we moved here (with an unfinished basement, we had no other place for it). It was with the agreement that it would move out of our room the instant our family room was finished. Yeah right. Allan, the former TV-a-holic has always had difficulty falling asleep and finds TV as a way to relax and allow sleep to come sooner. With his crazy work schedule he often is up until 1 or 2 in the morning unable to sleep, having to work at 7 or 8 the next morning. Well he now says it’s easier to fall asleep while watching TV in our room. I know the reality of that, it doesn't matter where he watches TV, he is still up to the same time... but with the TV in our room, it disturbs my sleep - and I general sleep like a rock. But I can't convince my husband of this and am at a loss, not to mention I can’t lift the darn thing to move it myself.
More importantly, I am also seeing our family spending less time together. Rather than discussing and negotiating about what we will watch or do, individuals gravitate towards their own space, or TV, to do or watch what they want rather than spending time together. I also see how this affects relationships, where a "me" mentality develops rather than a "we" mentality needed for interpersonal relationships. I see this most poignantly in our third son who struggles with language delays and his strong personality providing even more concern as he struggles to communicate.
We will be spending much less time from this point doing individual activities and much more time communicating, negotiating, sharing, and being with one another. And I will do everything I can to move that TV to it's proper place if I have to roll it down the stairs. "If Mom's grumpy (from lack of sleep), ain't nobody happy!"
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