I Aspire to be a Phoenix

Attempting to rise from the ashes of my former life, I realize now that freedom is a precious and fragile thing. I doubt I will ever be out of the grasp of my controlling ex-husband completely as we share four children with all the strings that entails. Right now he is doing everything he can to hurt me and through doing that he is hurting our children.

At times I wonder if staying would have made it easier for them yet I know that they too wanted out of the stress of his controlling and angry ways. Oh how much easier divorce is with two reasonable adults who choose to make good decisions for themselves and their children. I have seen more than one amicable separation work yet I know that is not an option in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Control is paramount for abusive spouses and if they can't control they become vindictive.. or at least that is the case here.

I miss my kids terribly (one of the ways my ex has found to control is allowing me only very limited access to our children despite the court orders and the children's lawyer's written direction on this issue). An anticipated return to court will hopefully change that. One thing I have learned in this process is that there is no justice in the justice system. I never thought I would have anything in common with Britney Spears, but not seeing our children because of our respective spouses is one of them.

Given that, my new life is so very different and exciting. Deciding whether to stay at the job I am at, changing careers again or going back to school has me delightedly challenged. I have four kids to send to university or college to think about to in the near future, so that too weighs in this decision.