Parental Decisions - A Rant

I am very, very angry right now. Allan in all of his infinite wisdom decided today, while angry with Eric, that Eric should go to school this fall in an institution. I am crying inside for selfish reasons, I want my son home with his family, not stuck in a school for 8 hours a day only to face 2 hours of "homework" each evening. I am also really enjoying homeschooling right now because we are past the tedious hours of basic skills like reading and writing. We are now in the meat of indepth research and exporation of life skills which is fascinating and so rewarding. I see all stages of learning as important, but the critical indepth research tools during Jr. and Sr. high that mainstream schools do not teach are critical for long-term learning.

It is also the circumstances that make me angry. I am struggling to find the meaning in this and why Allan chose to do this without discussing it. I realize that Allan is not around a lot to see the changes Eric is going through as an adolescent or understand the emotions and frustrations inherent with being a 13 year old. Does he not remember the frustrations, the heightened emotions, the feeling out of control that being 13 brings? I know he had a difficult adolescence as the youngest of six and carrying an emotional burden larger than he should have carried because of the circumstances of his older brother. But is that a reason to heap this on his own child? What will he do when his second and third son "come of age" and are struggling with their new bodies and hormones? Or his daughter, who will be the toughest of all, as girls will be during this time?

I know Eric will do well and excel in school because he is a wise young man who is confident and outgoing. However, what makes me even more angry is Eric's resignation on this. We, as a family, have talked about moving to an institution before, allowing the boys to decide which route they would prefer, knowing that I was open and willing to homeschool if they so chose... and indeed they have each time. However, Allan sees everything the boys do wrong as the fault of homeschooling. If they don't do their chores willingly and perfectly, if they are having a bad day, if they are which annoys Allan, he threatens sending them to school. Because they hear this threat so often they have become sullen and despondent to its news... and prepared to "face the music" if ever he followed through. In a way I am glad that they have thought about the option of attending school in an institution, but it is how it was done that in my opinion is wrong.

I am trying so hard to see the good in this situation, to pull benefits to our family from this decision... but I can't. I cry and hurt and feel that it is somehow my fault, as I often do when Allan is upset. Indeed I do see his frustrations when he doesn't see the boys working while he is home. I have told him why, because we work hard to do our work around his schedule so that we will have time to spend with him, but he seems to not fully realize that. I also wonder if this has more to do with his having to work today and the frustrations that entails than Eric not wanting to vacuum the carpet.