Mourning

Today we celebrate the life of a wonderful man who has been an incredible influence on my life since I was eighteen. He is the grandfather of my children and the father of my ex-husband, we called him Papa.

Whenever all around us chaos reigned, you often would find Papa and I sitting in the yard with various sundry children playing around us. Usually our respective spouses were in the house, hiding from the heat and watching TV, but not us. We thrived in the sunlight and the brilliant play of children. Sometimes we would be watching the kids at the nearby park, weeding the garden or picking raspberries, but we always ended up discussing current events and life as we shared spits with the kids and rocked on the swing.

Papa was a deeply caring and generous man who loved his children and grandchildren. He loved the outdoors and gardening. His good natured spirit was strong and he never let anything get him down. Cheers Papa, enjoy the beauty of God's generous gardens in heaven!

Cadillac Project

Last month my parents bestowed a precious gift to us. They gave us my grandfather’s vehicle, untouched since 1974 when he died of a sudden massive heart attack. It is a black 1958 Cadillac Sedan DeVille and it is officially our new project.

Follow our journey at Mother Daughter 1958 Cadillac Project. We won't be able to complete this without support at Gofundme.

We do know: 

·         it has 33,000 miles on it.

·         it has not been driven, or even started, in 40 years.

·         while it has been indoors its entire life, it does have rust along the hood and doors.

·         it has a dint in the trunk lid and a crease in the passenger quarter panel.

·         the seat fabric is immaculate with only minor vinyl cracks where the driver sits. 

·         the carpets need to be replaced, as does the head liner, due to mice. 

·         the door interiors and dash are in good condition needing a good cleaning. 

·         the front windshield needs replacing as does one headlight cover, a reverse light cover and two marker light covers.

·         the wiring too should be replaced due to minor mouse damage (why do mice like wires?).

·         the engine oil was very clean when we drained it.

·         the carburetor needs to be rebuilt as the seals are gone.

·         the spark plugs looked like brand new with no corrosion and perfect gaps.

We do not know:

·          what condition the engine and drive train are.

We are so excited and have already started!!

I am Truly Blessed

It is now four years after my divorce was finalized. My life has evolved to transcend the ruthlessly horrible and excruciatingly painful last years of my marriage and subsequent nightmarish divorce proceedings that lasted over four long years. The traumatic effects caused by the emotional abuse of my narcissist ex-husband caused cognitive impairment, memory problems, impaired neurogenesis, and complex PTSD. It took over five years to heal from these psychiatric injuries that resulted from my marriage and divorce. While I would never wish my experience upon my worsed enemy, I learned a great deal about myself, my former partner, and my children as we were torn apart by abuse and anger.

Indeed a phoenix emerged from the carnage. I am no longer the insipid, fearful woman who experienced almost constant panic attacks during my marriage. I am confident and successful. Having to work two jobs to pay my imputed child support and going to school full time as I work towards my MBA paid off in spades. My career has blossomed into something of great beauty and I love every minute I am working. My friendships have grown deep and I treasure each one. My family has steadfastly supported me, and continues to be my lifeline, as I am now able to be there for them.

Wonderfully, another unexpected phoenix has borne forth. My daughter, an amazing, resilient young woman, wise beyond her years, has steadfastly weathered the continued emotional abuse and threats her father bestows on her. While her brothers succumbed to his threats and I rarely see them, she insists on sharing her time equally with me and her brothers (who live with their father). She continues to be there for them as they learn and grow while they weather their fathers abuse. She does struggle to find her way through this changing world, yet she does it with a grace and patience that astounds me. I love you my precious phoenix.

Yes, I am truly blessed.