Energized

Spring has brought with it a very different me. It has been a very long time since I haven't had panic attacks while trying to pay bills, wondering how I am going to pay the exorbitant child support, and still feed my children. No longer do I ask myself, "Will the food bank have to help me out this month? Will my kids have warm clothes for school today? Will my vehicle break down and I will be forced to not pay the heat or water for one month to fix it?"

I still have bills, and lots of them, thanks to the credit I have had to lean on to make ends meet over the last six years. However, my new job has finally provided me with enough income to actually pay my bills in full and on time. More importantly, I no longer have to feel beholdin' to those who have helped out for so long. It is incredibly tough to ask for help over and over again, or wonder if I will ever again see the black side of my line of credit. Don't get me wrong, it will take years to dig out of the red, but now I am finally able to do that, a bit at a time.

What I didn't expect in getting to this point, is the surge in self confidence this gave me. For the first time in a very, very long time I feel truly calm. Yes things will crop up unexpectedly that I will have to deal with. But now I can actually meet those challenges myself, rather than lean on others to help me through it.

I am also able to sleep at night, with the exception of the nightmares of course, and not lay awake trying to figure out how to make ends meet with this, or the next, or the next paycheck. I can sleep in without a panic attack waking me up when I suddenly realize I have forgotten to pay something or someone. Sleep is delicious!

I hope this spring finds you energized!